the little turtle tot!

rasta baby

• 'little turtle swimmin' in the pond, little turtle waggin' his wiggle, wiggin' his waggle' - david sings this to our turtle tot.


• naked baby!!!!


• baby elvis sideburns

nathaniel david smoak

in no particular order. . .

abbie's just not too sure. . .

dr hargrove and david




holy cow. let me just say that this ride has been incredible. everyone says that they just sit and stare at their babies all day and i just thought, yeah. but i could just stare at him all day long. in fact, saturday 3am, we just had to stare and play with him and missed sleep because he was just so content to stare back so we exhaustedly fell back asleep after 6am. totally worth the sleepiness.
so in no particular order due to my in and out of baby love sweet haze, today i am so grateful for:

• nathaniel david smoak, june 2, 12:37am, 8lbs 2oz, 20.5in
• his amazing daddy who watched the entire c-section and didn't faint or throw-up!
• dr hargrove
• mia, the or nurse who prepped me and held me while i did the ugly oprah cry in fear of the spinal block
• dr phelps, the anesthiologist (sp), who promised me that i would walk afterward and was right but not only that, held my hand and told me he was crying when i couldn't hear because everyone else was cheering that he was crying. she encouraged david to watch and thank god she did. he got to see my uterus, tubes and ovaries!
• dr akom who assisted dr hargrove and laughed when i asked if something was burning and hargrove said, 'yeah - you.' his laughter was much appreciated.
• mia staying with me in the recovery room and helping me feed nathaniel for the first time when he was only an hour old. her gentleness with both - actually all 3 of us.
• all the people that were there to be of support to us.
• debbie being my nurse again. she was my nurse when i had carson and she was nathaniel's nurse for 2 days and mine for the last. it was a relief to have her there. she helped so much with our learning to breastfeed and answer every question my overworked percocetted brain could come up with.
• mom bringing me real food on wednesday.
• seeing david in scrubs!! wow - we brought them home so we can play doctor!!!
• percocet, anaprox, spinal blocks, morphine and all the other drugs i was able to enjoy while someone else took care of us.
• rabbit poop ice.
• kozy shack pudding i got with medication. wonderful.
• the little man, turtle tot, tootie, turtle, tot, nate, natedog, baby nathaniel
• poopie diapers
• purelan 100 for my boobs
• nathaniel's patience with me
• miss peabody's excitement meeting him and giving him his first bath.
• big blue eyes
• big 'ole fat cheeks! i chew on them all the time.
• answered prayers
• nathaniel biting dr. hargrove before he was a minute old!!!
• the two sets of twins born after nathaniel.
• the nursery nurses taking such good care of him.
• visits, flowers, food, balloons and cards that have shown up.
• keena putting up an 'it's a boy' banner on the front window.
• pants fitting better today than on thursday when we left the hospital.
• david cooking for me and feeding me fried green tomatoes while i'm feeding nathaniel.
• late night, early morning giggling with david.
• nathaniel sleeping.
• learning that when he's grumpy he just needs to be burped, changed or fed.
• nathaniel nathaniel nathaniel
• and you, my little 'it's a boy' banner, you!

big 'ole belly!

david's ice cream belly hasn't quite caught up to baby belly!

sandy and david think it's hard work growing a baby, too!

all baby!

• the shower for jennifer millican and me last night at nicole's thrown by nicole, tasha and rhonda.
• the kick ass diaper bag compliments of the 3 families.
• all the women from work who have been so supportive this pregnancy.
• victor who made his famous pimento cheese sandwiches and cucumber sandwiches! yum and holy cow! yum! i'm having some for breakfast!
• getting the thank you notes done last night when i got home on cute nathaniel david notecards.
• dr hargrove dr hargrove dr hargrove. we see her this morning and she's a breath of fresh air each and every time.
• the non-stress test being perfect everytime and hargrove telling us about this healthy boy.
• that this baby is all upfront. i'll upload pictures later. we're pretty cute!
• the couples party this weekend in advance that keena is so excited about thrown by keena and jason, dave and kim and sue and tommy although tommy just wants to drink beer outside with the boys. he doesn't want to ooh and aah over gifts!
• mom running when i called her on monday to go to dr hargrove's since david was so far away.
• the option to take ambien - i haven't but i can - and that's great.
• karen - every day, every way, all ways, always - karen.
• nicole staubes' nursing school graduation! her new job in the musc nicu. her commitment to herself.
• chandler's 4.0 this semester in her master's program even tho she hated the classes! that's commitment.
• melinda being melinda. all melinda all the time!
• michelle's 2nd annual womyn's camp being a huge hit this year and the plans for next year.
• david
• the garden working out its kinks and producing a cucumber! and a squash! soon we'll be eating!
• nathaniel for making obvious movements everytime i ask him to.
• my girls not barking all day and all night like the new neighbors dogs. miss peabody just sits and stares at them like, 'dude, will you just calm down - life is good. . .' she would say it just like that, too!
• you my little cucumber, you!

April 20, 1972

• david smoak's birthday
• david - with all of his humor, love, compassion, joy, passion, and all the other stuff that makes him the friend, husband, companion, partner, lover, sidekick, accomplice that he is.
• april 19 - wesley's birthday and whitty-whit's birthday.
• bowen's island last night with jay and keena and the kids and keller and nicole. watching the kids devour oysters and david putting his own oysters aside to shuck them for rowyn.
• rowyn dressing up for 'smoak's' bday! too cute.
• a safe and uneventful ride back from greenville yesterday.
• 'catch-up' phone calls
• adrienne and all her wisdom and laughter. yay that she said NO to moving to philly!
• the garden and the first signs of squash.
• the front yard taking on new life as the japanese maple for david's birthday is beautiful. plans for a bench.
• david's reaction to the 'yard art' i gave him for his birthday. a pink metal pig with wings! glorious. his giggle.
• our minister, mike's email that his 4 and 6 year olds are having ethical conversations about where their food comes from over dinner. eli's (6) insistence that he's not even going to eat potatoes since they once lived and nathan (4) saying that's ok - the fish don't remember living once you bite their heads off and eli's response. mike saying he has a bridget and a davy and won't their votes cancel each other out in future elections?! i responded - only if both of them vote! i did offer to talk with eli since the child has to eat. we'll see what happens there.
• a beautiful morning after sleeping in my own bed last night.
• welcome homes from the girls who promptly got me dirty.
• you, my little pink yard art pig with wings, you! (where are you flying next?)

the sanctuary that is my home

• finding all the windows open when i got home last night and hearing the waterfall into the big pond. the girls sleeping around the pond, happy from a day of playing in the sun.
• the bird sanctuary that the back yard is.
• the garden taking shape and the cucumbers growing tall (in advance).
• nathaniel swimming around just to let me know he's excited about life and being in our home.
• the secrets of the baby whisperer - what a brilliant book about it being ok to be a parent and have autonomy from your child. a relief which watching some of the parents i know.
• easter in the country.
• mike's sermon on sunday and his acknowledgment of his own 'crisis of faith' (my words not his) while being at our church and officiating the funerals he's had to. miss olive, bobby thompson, carson, and too many others to count. as hard as the sermon was, it was much needed salve for my heart.
• ms dority's excitement over having a shower for us. a big party really, with everyone.
• lunch with chandler yesterday during her spring break.
• mothering magazine.
• the research on cloth vs biodegradable disposable diapers narrowing down, at least in my mind to something managable.
• my ipod on shuffle. didn't think i would like that when karen suggested it, but after several days - wow. music i had forgotten about. a little rage, a little reba, a few showtunes and lots of edwin. sigh, music.
• my gift certificate just itching to be used from the millinium music used cd trade. more delicious music to fill my heart.
• my abbie, sandy and miss peabody for being the friendly (well, not abbie) puppies in the neighborhood. for watching other dogs bark for hours and wonder what they're thinking instead of joining in.
• their excitement to see me every time i leave the room - much less the house - and return.
• miss p's collar that she's managed to chew off herself.
• duct-tape to put it back together. she's, i think, a dirty 7 year old boy with shorts on with his cowboy boots playing in the mud. she's so bad and i love it.
• you my little mudpie, you.

sucking the marrow

• the last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind so in no particular order. . . .
  nathaniel david smoak - we were able to see his little package at the big deal ultrasound and know that all 4 chambers of the heart are good as well as all his organs are formed and are forming. they want us back in a couple of weeks for another fancy schmancy ultrasound for some baseline monitoring they'll do closer the june 2!
• the support and love we received when we let everyone know we're having a healthy nathaniel. i hope all people know even a glimpse of this blessedness in their lives.
• our 7th anniversary. holy cow. it's flown by. i love this man in ways i didn't know existed before. and he drives me more nuts than anyone should be allowed. he 'completes me' (thanks, jerry mcguire) but it's true. when we're in sync - there's nothing we can't do together. and when we're out of sync - there's nothing more interesting than what unfolds to bring us closer.
• surprises. it was my year (we think) so i took charge and made appointments at earthling for massages, we had icecream, lunch at blossom, and a hockey game. needless to say, we were snoozing on the couch by 9:30 that night.
• a weekend get-away to brown mountain beach.
• the mushroom with kevin, michelle, craig and vance.
• david's apprehension meeting vance melting as they hugged as they were introduced. he said, i finally feel like craig and michelle and i have a relationship outside of you, i'm just nervous about bringing someone else into the picture. can you say, 2 peas in a pod? scary.
• edwin edwin edwin mother fuckin mccain (doesn't have the same feel as kevin's rage against the mother fuckin machine, but none the less)! my god. he does it for me. his lyrics, his voice, his passion. . . that's what music is. and then when he brought david wilcox on stage - are you kidding me? i was in heaven. david sounds like he did 15 years ago at 'be here now' or on the warren wilson stage. voice like molasses that wraps around you. a bit james taylor - a bit zen buddhist. what a night. i danced my padonkidonk butt off and nathaniel seemed to enjoy it as well. edwin mccain . . . sigh. david wilcox . . . sigh. and that was just the first day of the getaway!
• waiters? waders? wadders? the things you put on to go fishing and they protect your clothes. david dressed me up and had me belly high in the cold water. awesome. did my swelling legs lots of good.
• a quiet day around camp on saturday to visit, make lasagna and wait for kevin, cynthia, nicholas and . . . . the baby. oh my god, phenix rose campbell is a gorgeous child. fat little cheeks and precious.
• cynthia doing well on little sleep.
• nicholas as a big brother. all he does is kiss phenix's cheeks and say i love you little brother. sigh.
• wendy bring over chocolate stuffed wontons for us to try as she prepares the menu for olivia's wedding in october. darn. . . another trip to the mountains.the camp that ron and wendy have recreated. the generosity of this couple and what they bring to the planet.
• my dreams of selling all and moving into a cabin on wilson creek - selling smores to the families and catching fish for my dinner. the good cabins - not the deliverance cabins up the park.
• safe and uneventful travels for all.
• getting over this flu and feeling human today after several days of weird fever dreams and lapses of time.
• knowing that missing edwin tonight at the windjammer will do my body good (even if my heart doesn't think so!)
• the possibility if i feel like it to join mom tomorrow for a road trip to wilmington to see aunt vivian and boober. we're making the call later.
• only one call from work meaning i left things in pretty good order OR they're figuring out what's best all on their own. either is great.
• the drama from last week slowly creeping back into it's bed and the roles being more defined for the good of everyone. knowing nicole's got my back even when we don't realize she needs to have it.
• you, my little ear themometer, you.