eat sleep poop

he's just finished munching under the 'hooter hider'

this is pretty much our day
aunt denise as the recipient of the first blowout diaper!


yoga baby

notes from the universe

'Dang, bridget, just because you're a supernatural, unstoppable, manifesting machine, doesn't mean you can't ask for help. A lot of help. And fully expect to receive it.
That was part of "the deal" - The Universe'

did i need this today.... we've had quite a weekend of just unhappy baby and that's right up there as one of the most heartwrenching feelings of my life. just helpless.

but enter stageright - denise. who last night insisted that i get the pump set up and actually use it so she could stay up all night with nathaniel and david and i could get some sleep. he actually slept - only woke up to eat. which he happily did and went back to sleep. we slept and i have to say, i felt comfortable enough not to even roll over or wake up for that matter. i got him from her about 6 and he was just bundled so sweetly - i had david change him so i wouldn't be the bad mommy! he's been smiling and alert and happy this morning - when he's been awake. so today i am most grateful for:

• denise denise denise!
• her taking time from her life and her husband and being here for just last night. her wisdom and guidance.
• wesley and amelia who are just ok with being uprooted and enrolled in camps and thrown into situations with kids they don't know and having fun. a week with them in the house feels like they have always been here.
• aunt keena's swaddling lessons which i have yet to master - i need her back - but i'm trying.
• nathaniel's social security card coming already! i think he's ready to go to work and start earning his keep.
• my sweet little boy - who coos and smiles and poops. he's strong and stubborn already like his daddy.
• father's day with big d and poppie yesterday.
• david's father's day with nathaniel. his father's days without carson were always so emotional and hard and although yesterday he felt the loss of carson, nathaniel was here to love on.
• david.
• 'mama's got her boobs out. . .' ringing in my ears as i start breastfeeding.
• breastfeeding going well.
• the pump not hurting!!! weird? absolutely. hurty? not at all.
• "david's" new recliner! he's sat in it for about 3 minutes because i discovered it was perfect to feed nathaniel in.
• a date with david on friday night for sushi.
• and on a totally different note, mark IV and his commitment to his family. he will be missed.
• nathaniel's cheeks
• you, my little social security card carrying worker bee, you!

the little turtle tot!

rasta baby

• 'little turtle swimmin' in the pond, little turtle waggin' his wiggle, wiggin' his waggle' - david sings this to our turtle tot.


• naked baby!!!!


• baby elvis sideburns

nathaniel david smoak

in no particular order. . .

abbie's just not too sure. . .

dr hargrove and david




holy cow. let me just say that this ride has been incredible. everyone says that they just sit and stare at their babies all day and i just thought, yeah. but i could just stare at him all day long. in fact, saturday 3am, we just had to stare and play with him and missed sleep because he was just so content to stare back so we exhaustedly fell back asleep after 6am. totally worth the sleepiness.
so in no particular order due to my in and out of baby love sweet haze, today i am so grateful for:

• nathaniel david smoak, june 2, 12:37am, 8lbs 2oz, 20.5in
• his amazing daddy who watched the entire c-section and didn't faint or throw-up!
• dr hargrove
• mia, the or nurse who prepped me and held me while i did the ugly oprah cry in fear of the spinal block
• dr phelps, the anesthiologist (sp), who promised me that i would walk afterward and was right but not only that, held my hand and told me he was crying when i couldn't hear because everyone else was cheering that he was crying. she encouraged david to watch and thank god she did. he got to see my uterus, tubes and ovaries!
• dr akom who assisted dr hargrove and laughed when i asked if something was burning and hargrove said, 'yeah - you.' his laughter was much appreciated.
• mia staying with me in the recovery room and helping me feed nathaniel for the first time when he was only an hour old. her gentleness with both - actually all 3 of us.
• all the people that were there to be of support to us.
• debbie being my nurse again. she was my nurse when i had carson and she was nathaniel's nurse for 2 days and mine for the last. it was a relief to have her there. she helped so much with our learning to breastfeed and answer every question my overworked percocetted brain could come up with.
• mom bringing me real food on wednesday.
• seeing david in scrubs!! wow - we brought them home so we can play doctor!!!
• percocet, anaprox, spinal blocks, morphine and all the other drugs i was able to enjoy while someone else took care of us.
• rabbit poop ice.
• kozy shack pudding i got with medication. wonderful.
• the little man, turtle tot, tootie, turtle, tot, nate, natedog, baby nathaniel
• poopie diapers
• purelan 100 for my boobs
• nathaniel's patience with me
• miss peabody's excitement meeting him and giving him his first bath.
• big blue eyes
• big 'ole fat cheeks! i chew on them all the time.
• answered prayers
• nathaniel biting dr. hargrove before he was a minute old!!!
• the two sets of twins born after nathaniel.
• the nursery nurses taking such good care of him.
• visits, flowers, food, balloons and cards that have shown up.
• keena putting up an 'it's a boy' banner on the front window.
• pants fitting better today than on thursday when we left the hospital.
• david cooking for me and feeding me fried green tomatoes while i'm feeding nathaniel.
• late night, early morning giggling with david.
• nathaniel sleeping.
• learning that when he's grumpy he just needs to be burped, changed or fed.
• nathaniel nathaniel nathaniel
• and you, my little 'it's a boy' banner, you!

big 'ole belly!

david's ice cream belly hasn't quite caught up to baby belly!

sandy and david think it's hard work growing a baby, too!

all baby!

• the shower for jennifer millican and me last night at nicole's thrown by nicole, tasha and rhonda.
• the kick ass diaper bag compliments of the 3 families.
• all the women from work who have been so supportive this pregnancy.
• victor who made his famous pimento cheese sandwiches and cucumber sandwiches! yum and holy cow! yum! i'm having some for breakfast!
• getting the thank you notes done last night when i got home on cute nathaniel david notecards.
• dr hargrove dr hargrove dr hargrove. we see her this morning and she's a breath of fresh air each and every time.
• the non-stress test being perfect everytime and hargrove telling us about this healthy boy.
• that this baby is all upfront. i'll upload pictures later. we're pretty cute!
• the couples party this weekend in advance that keena is so excited about thrown by keena and jason, dave and kim and sue and tommy although tommy just wants to drink beer outside with the boys. he doesn't want to ooh and aah over gifts!
• mom running when i called her on monday to go to dr hargrove's since david was so far away.
• the option to take ambien - i haven't but i can - and that's great.
• karen - every day, every way, all ways, always - karen.
• nicole staubes' nursing school graduation! her new job in the musc nicu. her commitment to herself.
• chandler's 4.0 this semester in her master's program even tho she hated the classes! that's commitment.
• melinda being melinda. all melinda all the time!
• michelle's 2nd annual womyn's camp being a huge hit this year and the plans for next year.
• david
• the garden working out its kinks and producing a cucumber! and a squash! soon we'll be eating!
• nathaniel for making obvious movements everytime i ask him to.
• my girls not barking all day and all night like the new neighbors dogs. miss peabody just sits and stares at them like, 'dude, will you just calm down - life is good. . .' she would say it just like that, too!
• you my little cucumber, you!

April 20, 1972

• david smoak's birthday
• david - with all of his humor, love, compassion, joy, passion, and all the other stuff that makes him the friend, husband, companion, partner, lover, sidekick, accomplice that he is.
• april 19 - wesley's birthday and whitty-whit's birthday.
• bowen's island last night with jay and keena and the kids and keller and nicole. watching the kids devour oysters and david putting his own oysters aside to shuck them for rowyn.
• rowyn dressing up for 'smoak's' bday! too cute.
• a safe and uneventful ride back from greenville yesterday.
• 'catch-up' phone calls
• adrienne and all her wisdom and laughter. yay that she said NO to moving to philly!
• the garden and the first signs of squash.
• the front yard taking on new life as the japanese maple for david's birthday is beautiful. plans for a bench.
• david's reaction to the 'yard art' i gave him for his birthday. a pink metal pig with wings! glorious. his giggle.
• our minister, mike's email that his 4 and 6 year olds are having ethical conversations about where their food comes from over dinner. eli's (6) insistence that he's not even going to eat potatoes since they once lived and nathan (4) saying that's ok - the fish don't remember living once you bite their heads off and eli's response. mike saying he has a bridget and a davy and won't their votes cancel each other out in future elections?! i responded - only if both of them vote! i did offer to talk with eli since the child has to eat. we'll see what happens there.
• a beautiful morning after sleeping in my own bed last night.
• welcome homes from the girls who promptly got me dirty.
• you, my little pink yard art pig with wings, you! (where are you flying next?)