all baby!

• the shower for jennifer millican and me last night at nicole's thrown by nicole, tasha and rhonda.
• the kick ass diaper bag compliments of the 3 families.
• all the women from work who have been so supportive this pregnancy.
• victor who made his famous pimento cheese sandwiches and cucumber sandwiches! yum and holy cow! yum! i'm having some for breakfast!
• getting the thank you notes done last night when i got home on cute nathaniel david notecards.
• dr hargrove dr hargrove dr hargrove. we see her this morning and she's a breath of fresh air each and every time.
• the non-stress test being perfect everytime and hargrove telling us about this healthy boy.
• that this baby is all upfront. i'll upload pictures later. we're pretty cute!
• the couples party this weekend in advance that keena is so excited about thrown by keena and jason, dave and kim and sue and tommy although tommy just wants to drink beer outside with the boys. he doesn't want to ooh and aah over gifts!
• mom running when i called her on monday to go to dr hargrove's since david was so far away.
• the option to take ambien - i haven't but i can - and that's great.
• karen - every day, every way, all ways, always - karen.
• nicole staubes' nursing school graduation! her new job in the musc nicu. her commitment to herself.
• chandler's 4.0 this semester in her master's program even tho she hated the classes! that's commitment.
• melinda being melinda. all melinda all the time!
• michelle's 2nd annual womyn's camp being a huge hit this year and the plans for next year.
• david
• the garden working out its kinks and producing a cucumber! and a squash! soon we'll be eating!
• nathaniel for making obvious movements everytime i ask him to.
• my girls not barking all day and all night like the new neighbors dogs. miss peabody just sits and stares at them like, 'dude, will you just calm down - life is good. . .' she would say it just like that, too!
• you my little cucumber, you!

April 20, 1972

• david smoak's birthday
• david - with all of his humor, love, compassion, joy, passion, and all the other stuff that makes him the friend, husband, companion, partner, lover, sidekick, accomplice that he is.
• april 19 - wesley's birthday and whitty-whit's birthday.
• bowen's island last night with jay and keena and the kids and keller and nicole. watching the kids devour oysters and david putting his own oysters aside to shuck them for rowyn.
• rowyn dressing up for 'smoak's' bday! too cute.
• a safe and uneventful ride back from greenville yesterday.
• 'catch-up' phone calls
• adrienne and all her wisdom and laughter. yay that she said NO to moving to philly!
• the garden and the first signs of squash.
• the front yard taking on new life as the japanese maple for david's birthday is beautiful. plans for a bench.
• david's reaction to the 'yard art' i gave him for his birthday. a pink metal pig with wings! glorious. his giggle.
• our minister, mike's email that his 4 and 6 year olds are having ethical conversations about where their food comes from over dinner. eli's (6) insistence that he's not even going to eat potatoes since they once lived and nathan (4) saying that's ok - the fish don't remember living once you bite their heads off and eli's response. mike saying he has a bridget and a davy and won't their votes cancel each other out in future elections?! i responded - only if both of them vote! i did offer to talk with eli since the child has to eat. we'll see what happens there.
• a beautiful morning after sleeping in my own bed last night.
• welcome homes from the girls who promptly got me dirty.
• you, my little pink yard art pig with wings, you! (where are you flying next?)

the sanctuary that is my home

• finding all the windows open when i got home last night and hearing the waterfall into the big pond. the girls sleeping around the pond, happy from a day of playing in the sun.
• the bird sanctuary that the back yard is.
• the garden taking shape and the cucumbers growing tall (in advance).
• nathaniel swimming around just to let me know he's excited about life and being in our home.
• the secrets of the baby whisperer - what a brilliant book about it being ok to be a parent and have autonomy from your child. a relief which watching some of the parents i know.
• easter in the country.
• mike's sermon on sunday and his acknowledgment of his own 'crisis of faith' (my words not his) while being at our church and officiating the funerals he's had to. miss olive, bobby thompson, carson, and too many others to count. as hard as the sermon was, it was much needed salve for my heart.
• ms dority's excitement over having a shower for us. a big party really, with everyone.
• lunch with chandler yesterday during her spring break.
• mothering magazine.
• the research on cloth vs biodegradable disposable diapers narrowing down, at least in my mind to something managable.
• my ipod on shuffle. didn't think i would like that when karen suggested it, but after several days - wow. music i had forgotten about. a little rage, a little reba, a few showtunes and lots of edwin. sigh, music.
• my gift certificate just itching to be used from the millinium music used cd trade. more delicious music to fill my heart.
• my abbie, sandy and miss peabody for being the friendly (well, not abbie) puppies in the neighborhood. for watching other dogs bark for hours and wonder what they're thinking instead of joining in.
• their excitement to see me every time i leave the room - much less the house - and return.
• miss p's collar that she's managed to chew off herself.
• duct-tape to put it back together. she's, i think, a dirty 7 year old boy with shorts on with his cowboy boots playing in the mud. she's so bad and i love it.
• you my little mudpie, you.

sucking the marrow

• the last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind so in no particular order. . . .
  nathaniel david smoak - we were able to see his little package at the big deal ultrasound and know that all 4 chambers of the heart are good as well as all his organs are formed and are forming. they want us back in a couple of weeks for another fancy schmancy ultrasound for some baseline monitoring they'll do closer the june 2!
• the support and love we received when we let everyone know we're having a healthy nathaniel. i hope all people know even a glimpse of this blessedness in their lives.
• our 7th anniversary. holy cow. it's flown by. i love this man in ways i didn't know existed before. and he drives me more nuts than anyone should be allowed. he 'completes me' (thanks, jerry mcguire) but it's true. when we're in sync - there's nothing we can't do together. and when we're out of sync - there's nothing more interesting than what unfolds to bring us closer.
• surprises. it was my year (we think) so i took charge and made appointments at earthling for massages, we had icecream, lunch at blossom, and a hockey game. needless to say, we were snoozing on the couch by 9:30 that night.
• a weekend get-away to brown mountain beach.
• the mushroom with kevin, michelle, craig and vance.
• david's apprehension meeting vance melting as they hugged as they were introduced. he said, i finally feel like craig and michelle and i have a relationship outside of you, i'm just nervous about bringing someone else into the picture. can you say, 2 peas in a pod? scary.
• edwin edwin edwin mother fuckin mccain (doesn't have the same feel as kevin's rage against the mother fuckin machine, but none the less)! my god. he does it for me. his lyrics, his voice, his passion. . . that's what music is. and then when he brought david wilcox on stage - are you kidding me? i was in heaven. david sounds like he did 15 years ago at 'be here now' or on the warren wilson stage. voice like molasses that wraps around you. a bit james taylor - a bit zen buddhist. what a night. i danced my padonkidonk butt off and nathaniel seemed to enjoy it as well. edwin mccain . . . sigh. david wilcox . . . sigh. and that was just the first day of the getaway!
• waiters? waders? wadders? the things you put on to go fishing and they protect your clothes. david dressed me up and had me belly high in the cold water. awesome. did my swelling legs lots of good.
• a quiet day around camp on saturday to visit, make lasagna and wait for kevin, cynthia, nicholas and . . . . the baby. oh my god, phenix rose campbell is a gorgeous child. fat little cheeks and precious.
• cynthia doing well on little sleep.
• nicholas as a big brother. all he does is kiss phenix's cheeks and say i love you little brother. sigh.
• wendy bring over chocolate stuffed wontons for us to try as she prepares the menu for olivia's wedding in october. darn. . . another trip to the mountains.the camp that ron and wendy have recreated. the generosity of this couple and what they bring to the planet.
• my dreams of selling all and moving into a cabin on wilson creek - selling smores to the families and catching fish for my dinner. the good cabins - not the deliverance cabins up the park.
• safe and uneventful travels for all.
• getting over this flu and feeling human today after several days of weird fever dreams and lapses of time.
• knowing that missing edwin tonight at the windjammer will do my body good (even if my heart doesn't think so!)
• the possibility if i feel like it to join mom tomorrow for a road trip to wilmington to see aunt vivian and boober. we're making the call later.
• only one call from work meaning i left things in pretty good order OR they're figuring out what's best all on their own. either is great.
• the drama from last week slowly creeping back into it's bed and the roles being more defined for the good of everyone. knowing nicole's got my back even when we don't realize she needs to have it.
• you, my little ear themometer, you.

the pollitzer sisters

• http://www.c4women.org/news/news_post_060322.htm
• to anita, mabel and carrie who worked to gain me the right to vote, to visit a library and to attend college. i though about them a lot yesterday as i drove to the little school where i vote.
• the democratic primary being held in south carolina where the rebel flag issue is still being debated each day in our statehouse, in our schools, at our dinner tables and in our churches. where the defense of good decent people is that it is our heritage, it's not about hate. where other good decent people say it hurts them to their core - it is our heritage and it's all about hate. where in the naacp boycotted state of south carolina, a visionary man with an african father and white mother from iowa can win a presidential primary over an incredible hometown boy and an amazing woman of passion. yes, the change is here.
• the changes in our own family as big d and shelbs voted yesterday. not last saturday in the republican primary, but in the democratic primary for many of the same reasons i did. yes, change is here.
• and on a lighter note, for maternity clothes that don't have poofs and bows. so that i can look like me while i'm the size of a car instead of like me with bows and butterflies while i'm the size of a car! yes, change is here.
• for the birth of phenix rose campbell and the changes he's brought about already in his daddy.
• for the 'big ultrasound' being scheduled for feburary 4 at med u. a meeting with a fetal maternal specialist that day as well.
• lunch with chandler and elizabeth and a surprise visit with melinda yesterday after we all voted.
• elizabeth's face lighting up when she sees me.
• a good week with the bigwigs in the office being over! being over budget for the first time all year. the stress relief that brings. the wisdom of janet and maryanne and the gentleness of their delivery.
• holland house special last night the way daddy used to make it - simple, no frills. yum.
• a quick chat with michelle yesterday.
• time with my mama at the maternity and infant boutique. how sheeshee. somehow i don't see this child wearing hundred dollar outfits. . . but she does. and that's cool.
• poppie being back in the woody bilton ford saddle again and enjoying his work.
• uncle greg being home from the hospital after a bout of pneumonia.
• aunt viki being happier than i've heard her in a long long time.
• my 3 girls - miss peabody who makes me laugh, abbie who cuddles, and sandy who is the steady sweet one here to protect me from any child on a bike riding down the street on the other side of her fence.
• you my slobbery one, you.

birthday week!

• perhaps the best birthday of my adult life - lots of calls and cards and emails.
• a wonderful treat at the 'mom spa' in mt pleasant, courtesy of the people that clean my house and my husband. he called and added on to my service as a surprise!
• dinner at fig - finally - four years in the making and worth every minute and dollar. yummy food, quiet time with david. the perfect dinner.
• a productive week - having 3 new employees start on monday which i recruited. haven't had to do that in a while and i didn't forget how!
• a hard move into our new office. it's over!
• a trip to houston planned for tuesday of this week. getting to see how another office is run as a step closer to my new role.
• david showing up on friday afternoon and helping with the move.
• benjamin spending the night friday night and having fun squirrell hunting with david. gross, eewww, yuck and all of that - he seems to be learning the respect that comes with holding a gun and hunting.
• david going with me yesterday to set up my new 'cube'. his good ideas for space efficiency (sp) with the small small space and all my stuff to make the office 'homey'.
• researching the world that is the ipod and how to get it hooked up in my car for less than a million dollars and with clear sound. it may not be possible, but i'm learning something so that's to be grateful for!
• plans in a few minutes to go to a movie with karen and candice at the terrace on james island.
• the cowboys for entertaining david at 4:30 today.
• david doing laundry and helping me get the house ready for it to be cleaned on thursday.
• purging more junque! to goodwill.
• less than 24 hours to baby campbell! kevin and cynthia doing the belly caste on saturday night. how much fun is that?!
• the eyes this child will have from his daddy!
• you, my clear sounding ipod, you!

happy new year!

• an oyster roast at the pond house with some of my favorite people last night. uncle john cookin' up some nice oysters. although i couldn't eat them, the smell was quite satisfying.
• sparkling pomegranate juice.
• mom's 7 layer dip
• a day off on friday with david to just be together. lunch and visits and a movie to reconnect.
• 2007 and all the joy that it brought. reconnections and reunions, trips and visits.
• january to indiana to celebrate dad's big birthday. some stolen time with craig and michelle and some 2 buck chuck at a pottery place.
• april to sedona with denise to celebrate 20 years of friendship. more 2 buck chuck - massages from the massage school, a bit of hiking, a bit of sleeping late, a trip to the grand canyon, a kiss from a giraffe, vegan food and the pool and hot tub at the resort that rocked! 'upgrading' the rental car to a corolla! we were styling! fancy coffee everyday.
• a july 4th week at edisto.
• a floatilla down the river. out with the tide, in with the tide. lemoncello and boiled peanuts. the best day!
• july and august to park city for training and connections with amazing people.
• 100+ club and a diamond for my watch from last year.
• august to atlanta for the braves game with brad, denise, amelia and wesley for david's belated birthday.
• tyler's 2nd birthday. good conversations with cindy this year about him and them and wisconsin. more reconnection time in 2008.
• labor day to hendersonville.
• the move into the new room and the first fire in the fireplace!
• october to orlando for craig's race. holy cow.
• dad and chris visiting in november.
• a quick trip to asheville in november for a baby shower for kevin and cynthia. reconnection with vance! nicholas, craig and michelle and bird (ha) and ani difranco! and dennis kuchinich. amazing. the house, the food, the company.
• mom's wedding in april. the surprise and delight of that day.
• mom in her purple dress. recently at her all girls' xmas party - a woman said to melinda - 'gasp, did she wear black to her wedding?' 'no,' melinda said,' PURPLE!
• melinda.
• angel oak in all its glory.
• my new family - melissa and jimmy and the kids - justine, caden, little jimmy and shaelyn, sam and jilly bean, whitney. my new aunts and of course - poppie.
• monthly gastronomic delights with chandler, melinda and nicole to discover new restaurants in the city.
• david - in all his forms - david. he's quite bossy right now, but i know it's just because he wants to keep us safe. that is a good man.
• hunting season being over today!!! the wind is up so he might not even hunt tonight!
• my 33rd year being quite nice.
• chandler's principalship track - there's light in her eyes and she's a 4.0 nerd! a masters from the citadel - and she says she's not a feminist!
• nicole's first year of nursing school being over and her being a nerd too.
• michelle's orca summer
• craig's triathalon - 15 hours 23 minutes. we're still in awe.
• benjamin going hunting with david and liking it.
• big d and shelbs big adventure - 8000 miles in a car across the country and back.
• kevin and cynthia's big adventure!
• our big adventure
• dr hargrove
• dr hargrove
• dr hargrove
• the support and love we receive every every day through this pregnancy
• an easy and happy pregnancy
• lexapro and its benefits and its graceful exit from my body.
• a 2008 full of a whole new adventure
• june 2, 2008 when baby smoak shows up - hargrove said there's too much junk 'down there' for this to be a girl. so we'll see. . . .
• weekly ultrasounds
• weekly hugs from her and demands and ultimatums she puts upon david. told him friday it was none of his damn business what my weight looked like - i'm doing perfectly!
• a new year's day planned with family and friends and collards and hoppin' john for a prosperous new year.
• dinner reservations at fig next week for my birthday - food is good - fig!
• the christmas tree being down yesterday when i got home from work! all i did was put the rest of the stuff in boxes and 'poof' - the house is back to it's normal - lived in messy self.
• the new room!
• fires in the new fireplace
• david glowing as he shows off the fireplace to all who enter!
• judy blume
• 2008 being a year of new promises to see if delivered in january 2009. january 21, 2009 to be exact.
• a christmas card from angie saying, 'we are thankful to be a member of a community that supporst us and looks forward to more rational national leadership. we are happy to live in a place where the women are strong, the children are children and the town mechanic is everyone's best friend.' may we be blessed with this in the new year.
• and i could go on and on, but most importantly. . . you. may the new year bless you with tidings more than you could ask for, laughter from the soul, joy in your eyes and plenty of collards and hoppin' john to keep your wallet full and your belly content.