a big fat christmas tree!

• the ease of picking out a beautiful tree.
• david's ease in putting it on the stand and stringing the lights.
• the fire crackling as i decorated it. much more to do!!!
• a quick chat with michelle with her in dallas.
• dr hargrove, dr hargrove, dr hargrove
• the potential boy parts we saw yesterday at the weekly ultrasound! way too early to confirm, but she thinks so.
• her support. unending, straightforward, direct, clear, loving, firm. very very firm.
• the hard week of work being over.
• maggie being ok - ok in that the possibility of chrohn's disease is not quite as scary as cancer.
• her blessing of having karen for a mom, dan for a husband and jeremy for a brother.
• life is good
• finding a xmas present i think my little candice will like.
• the farmer's market this morning. pimento cheese and fruit!
• david making sure i ate well this week.
• losing another pound this week. sure didn't think getting pregnant would be a diet! but i'll take it!
• our holiday gala tonight.
• david in a tux!
• you my little pomegranate, you!

june 2, 2008 birthday

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the best week of the year!

• finding out on tuesday that we're KNOCKED UP!!!! today we're at 5.3 weeks. holy cow.

we've gotten so many cheers and tears and jumps for joy from our families and friends. the support is overwhelming and much much appreciated. david's hoping for twins. . . . . . sigh. . . . one of us will retire early!

• words of encouragement
• confirmations of bits of fear
• bets on boy or girl or both or two of the same
• maternity clothes from mom and pink and blue outfits
• the friends we've yet to call - the anticipation of their reactions
• abbie, sandie and miss peabody being gentle with me already
• david being bossy about what i am and am not allowed to do
• mom being ok with not being attached 'grandmaaamaaa' and being open to something fun like grandma beeds.
• dad getting so excited and telling everyone he knows about being a grandpa
• benjamin calling me 4 times until he got me on the phone to say he is excited about the baby. he hopes it's a girl.
• big d and shelbs not even being able to talk to david on the phone for crying.
• our minister mike (who did a great sermon last sunday about gratitude - inspired by this glog i take it) who said he wouldn't announce to the congregation that i was 'knocked up' - he might instead use the king james version of 'they lay together and she bore a child' and then went on to tell me that he likes to call king james 'king jimmy' because he was gay and died of syphylis (sp) and likes to break that out when the fundamentalists get on their high horse. . . but i digress. . . . .
• flowers from melinda, chandler and nicole
• nicole and karen being in the room with me when i was on the phone with hargrove's office. their faces of joy.
• keena not squeezing me to death - not expected. but all of sr. tequila's knew i was preggo.
• hugs - good ones. long and real
• david

and then a celebration trip to orlando to visit with friends on wednesday and craig's ironman on saturday.

• being able to spend time with craig and michelle before everyone else got there.
• sushi for dinner while craig and i watched michelle and david drink all the shiraz that was meant for me!
• laughter
• hearing about michelle's trip this summer to study whales
• learning about how craig trained and what he ate, how many times a week he exercised, etc.
• michelle's pride and his utter humility. it was just something he decided to do!
• stories from our former lives (lord i was such a nerd) and a few from this one. . . one involves keena and an electric razor. . . . . . . so i guess i've had my teenage years since i turned 25!
• craig's mom carol living so close she could come over to be there for him.
• mom and poppie driving down to party with us and be of support for both of them.
• meeting eric and nicole. they lost katie after we lost carson and tho we'd never known each other, craig and michelle brought us together as friends.
• seeing pictures of katie's baby sister, sarah who is 4 months old and absolutely gorgeous!
• perfect weather on saturday for the race which started at 7:30am.
• being able to brag to everyone that we were in florida for an ironman! our ironman!
• the condo being comfortable and easy to be in.
• the fun we had at the race waiting for craig to come by us at mile 60 and 80 of the bike, the end of the bike, the beginning of the run, mile 12 and 19 of the run and the end!!!!
• the other runners' faces as they ran by and found us cheering and encouraging them.
• people of all ages, shapes, sizes giving all they had.
• a yummy subway lunch and papa john's dinner - and brownies!!!!!
• watching everyone drink beer and knowing i can't for a very good cause.
• great conversation.
• the finish line in 15 hours and 23 minutes.
• the tears all of us shed knowing that craig did something so amazing we still can't wrap our brains around it.
• determination
• mind fitness
• vegetarian athletes
• the hot ironman from atlanta who broke his collarbone and kept going.
• the hot ironman from indiana who blew me away on saturday in a much different way than he did 13 years ago with his hair to his butt behind a drumset watching so quietly and taking it all in.
• all things craig!

fall is in the air

• the start of fall and a saturday at the farmers' market with a crispness in the air.
• seeing chandler and elizabeth and having crepes together
• the ease and effortlessness of asking for donations for the church auction and receiving what i've asked for
• plans tonight for the poetry jam at the moja arts festival
• a quick champagne toast to being the evening here at my house for maggie's 21st birthday! maggie's mom, karen is one of my mentors and heroes and maggie is an amazing woman. she also keeps my avon habit up.
• words, written and spoken
• a clean house - maidpure rocked it out and i am enjoying living in my home again
• the new room being a haven and the space it's created in the rest of the house
• michelle in all her michelle-ness
• big d and shelbs arriving safely home yesterday after 8000 miles around the country
• a big fall packed full of travel, friends and family
• orlando in a couple of weeks for craig's triathalon - team thompson!
• dad and chris visiting in november
• david being able to enjoy this fall day in the woods
• new focus on being grateful and not stressed!
• mr charlie, my next door neighbor laughing at abbie barking at him in HIS yard through the fence and saying, 'that's some dog' - she is - she's my 10.5lb guard dog who will bark behind her back running away from an aggressor.
• miss peabody and sandy minding their manners as my backyard neighbors are having their annual jewish fall festival in their backyard with lots of people.
• you, my little fall crisp, you.

open-ness

• the new room! which has created so much open-ness in the house and ultimately in our lives. david took the sliding glass doors off today and wow! my house is huge and open and we're getting through the clutter.
• finding maidpure.com to come clean next week (which gives me little time to declutter) using only organic cleaners and i am so freakin' excited. this will leave us open to actually invite people over!
• plans for the church spaghetti supper/auction starting to come together and our first meeting tomorrow night.
• a good long chat with mike, our minister today and laughing at him out loud until i snorted. he's simply not a sane man.
• lunch with greg turpin. my sweet dear friend who i let time put between us. until today! good plans with him. getting caught up on his life. potential plans for the 4 of us to do dinner here.
• memories of him in a much simpler and more naive time in my life. his support through the years and the ability to talk with someone who 'gets' me.
• another trip to lowes with david tonight!!!!!! :) can this company get any more of my hard earned money?!?!?! probably on saturday!
• a lovely dinner with good conversation and laughter - david loves to make fun of me and tonight it was fun. the moon must be aligned correctly with my axis!
• craig's grandmother, gigi, who was the spunkiest little lady i've probably ever met. i'm so grateful that he was able to have her this long and that she didn't suffer in the end.
• michelle's fierce protection of craig
• safe travels yesterday for my work trip.
• a big october full of hilton head, orlando, dinner parties and fun.
• collards, lettuce and purple cabbage planted in the garden by my sexy farmer husband.
• tgif! friday and all that brings! it's actually massage friday tomorrow at work.
• david just said, 'people are going to think i don't have a job.' he does and he works a lot. he just goes balls to the wall on his home projects.
• tivo and general hospital.
• miss peabody, abbie and sandy.
• you, my little collard green, you!

a gentle nudge

michelle emailed me that it was time to glog. i've been putting it off until i have some 'time.'
but isn't that when the gratefulness fairies really start working? - when you don't have the time or worse - don't feel all that grateful. . . so here goes. . ..

• the finished room!! the most amazing fireplace i've ever seen and my husband created it. it looks like we're sitting at the grove park inn on our honeymoon in front of their huge fireplaces - to scale mind you. our whole room could fit inside their fireplace.
• the teamwork that we used and continue to create in our marriage and in our projects.
• respectful disagreement. there will be no deer heads in this room.
• or ducks
• or the bobcat attacking the bird
• movement of the furniture throughout the rest of the house with ease. i'm sore today but it's a good sore!
• big d and shelbs on their month long 'across the country adventure' with our friends bruce and peggy.
• a lovely weekend away over labor day to harmon lodge and hendersonville. a short trip but one to see the nature center none-the-less.
• tons of upward mobility at work and all that will come together in the next few weeks.
• tailgating at the citadel game on saturday with uncle john, aunt tina and their crew.
• ricky archambault's attitude about cancer and cancer treatment.
• the week of carson's birthday, the anniversary of grandma's death and both of their funerals being over.
• the weather changing oh so slightly - less humidity.
• sun on my feet from saturday.
• general hospital and tivo for hooking that up for me!
• victor working to get the food for the spaghetti supper / auction donated for me this year.
• in advance - businesses being generous in their auction donations!
• an evening alone while david is in the woods.
• good news from michelle
• the orlando trip in advance for the 489 flute fun we will have!
• dad and chris' vacation being fun and relaxing for them.
• finding vance's myspace page as a link from michelle bryant's. crazy kids - i don't really understand the whole phenomenon but it was fun none-the-less to see his good lookin' mug.
• plans for kevin and cynthia.
• a good salad for dinner.
• david's cheeze-it encrusted crab cakes on saturday night - holy crap they were good! maybe even better as leftovers sunday morning with cheese grits.
• the sweet lady at moe's who makes the best tea in town and takes pride in cleaning the salsa bar and the tables and is always so freaking pleasant. may i be more like her.
• you, my little kick in the pants, you!

carson glenn smoak

the sweetest baby boy who in death has taught me so much about life. . . my life.

today i am grateful for that which i cannot explain. and that's reassuring. i can only come close on this humanly plain to feel it, there's no way to put words to it.

carson united david and me by creating such a deep wound that we chose to go toward each other for salve. and in all the pain and heartache that is, we keep choosing each other. for that i am profoundly grateful.

he taught us so much about friendships and bonds, love and forgiveness, patience and wealth.
so on his 3rd birthday i am grateful for:

• waking up with david this morning and lying in silence before the day started.
• a chat with melinda as she and wesley headed to orlando with the boys. brave or something else? we shall see!!!
• so many lovely people coming up to me before church saying, ' we thought you were already a member!'
• having chandler, mom and poppie, karen, keller and nicole and donna come to be with us today.
• sunflowers in the church in honor of carson on his birthday. david's aunt jb does the flowers and she put wiggly eyes on 3 of the flowers. too cute and very jb!
• mike having david go upfront with me so i wouldn't be by myself and having him reaffirm his faith as well.
• mike's quiet interjections about the liberalness of the methodist church during the affirmation and the sermon.
• big d's amazing voice today as he sang the special music.
• van herrington knowing that the two trees in his yard his daddy planted are for him and for carson. he was born 2 weeks before carson and i know they would have been best friends. buster and lori for their warmth and love. he came to the hospital that night and i'll never forget the pain on his face. after that he planted 2 trees in his yard. one for van, one for carson.
• getting to the cemetary and finding evidence that others had been there before us. there was a little lamb, a teddy bear and a something else that was pink with a heart nose and made kissing noises when squeezed. we're guessing grandma beeds.
• fixing 'walter's' moustasche. he's attached to the tree and watches over the site. 2 eyes, a nose and a mouth. we gave him a moustache of spanish moss.
• david holding me in that cemetary.
• the flowers that are still fresh at bobby thompson's grave from thursday. grateful that carmen knows how much her husband was loved and respected even if he just couldn't do it anymore.
• a quiet afternoon of reflection and journaling while david went in the woods to be by himself.
• meeting back up tonight to celebrate chandler's birthday with her family at nakato's.
• another day all about me tomorrow. massage and pedicure on saturday, carson's bday today, facial and quiet tomorrow.
• beautiful flowers from craig and michelle that smell up the living room.
• meals and meals of king mackeral that david caught this weekend in the tournament with dave and limehouse. we put up 15 meals tonight in the freezer. yum.
• david having a good time friday and saturday on the boat playing with the fish. it's his 3rd year celebrating carson's birthday this way.
• dad's phone call letting me know he loves us and is thinking about us today.
• dad and chris' plan for a november visit.
• my life and what i've created here in this beautiful place with such amazing people i call family and friends.

all of it. . .

the last few weeks have been a whirlwind full of travel and friends and fun and sadness and joy all rolled together. i'll start with park city and 'the test' -

today i am grateful for

• a spontaneous dinner the first night in park city where the trainers started quizzing us about what and HOW we knew the information. it sparked a 2 hour study session with people i just met and had they been around, i may have finished college. it was so good! all night long i woke up and would spout off things in my head and fall back asleep.
• mike, our ceo, having us take the test first thing tuesday morning rather than waiting through his opening remarks.
• passing the test!!!!! one person did get sent home.
• a beautiful week in park city. 88 degree weather most of the time, a wonderful group of new friends to play with the rest of the week, safe and uneventful travels for all.
• meeting david in atlanta on my way back for our annual braves trip. brad, denise and the kids met us and we had a whirlwind time of pool, hot-tub, aquarium, mary mac's tearoom, ikea, braves, 2 buck chuck and laughs so loud the restaurant looked at us funny. apparantly i laugh the 'clubbing the baby seal' laugh when exposed to chlorine. it's happened twice now. very odd. i do enjoy channeling michelle, that one hurts the next morning, tho.
• home again and my bed! and my girls! and my flowers and my house!!!
• reconnecting with nicole, chandler and melinda for girls' night out.
• david and all his glory. he makes me laugh so much. however. . . . . (there always is a however isn't there?) it's now hunting season AND the braves are still playing. i'll see him at a funeral today - does that count as quality time?
• the support that carmen is and will be receiving during this horrible time.
• nicole and the support she has around her.
• michelle and dean's safe travels and way too much fun.
• michelle's reconnection with craig.
• michelle bryant
• kevin and cynthia and the baby!
• being able to meet eric and nicole in orlando in october.
• chandler becoming a citadel student - is that ca'dick' and since she's in her knob year, can we haze her? a girl at the citadel - and she said she wasn't a feminist. but a principal is ok.
• brantley boo and john wesley's birthdays
• tyler's birthday
• denise's birthday
• nicole finishing summer school. we'll have a nurse in no time!

sunday is carson's 3rd birthday and i've decided to join our church. chandler said, 'my presbyterian pagan best friend is joining the methodist church - i'll be there.'

my whole life i questioned my faith and my place and god or not. it was carson's passing that solidified my faith. not 'logical' thinking at all but a very emotional and faithful knowing that this is bigger than me. it was reassuring and comforting. and it was ok that i was angry and scared and crumbled. so i'm using sunday as an affirmation of my faith that yes, this presbyterian pagan best friend can join a methodist church and it all makes sense with god and me.

the day to day. . .

• safe and uneventful travels. actually, i did fall in the airport and did see our esteemed state treasurer fresh from cocaine rehab in arizona so it was eventful! but no plane problems which i like!
• a good smoothie in the cincinatti airport!
• the annual meeting in a beautiful resort in deer valley. my room had a fireplace and a jacuzzi tub and the bed. . . . .. sigh. . . . . let's just say that i made the most of my sleep. it was lovely.
• a great meeting full of good training, lots of laughter, thanks from my ceo. . . and a diamond added to my watch!
• good phone calls with david while i was there. he called on saturday night because abbie missed me.
• a saturday afternoon by the pool with nicole, victor, tammy, tasha and georgie. victor made rum and cokes all day so we started yelling (ok, tasha started yelling) 'free cuba' and declared we would get kicked out of the restaurant that night. we did come close. between yelling 'free cuba' and quoting ricky bobbie, a good time was had by all.
• vanilla congac (sp)
• no bugs in utah!
• humidity back in charleston. wow. i didn't know humidity did my body so so good.
• a sweet homecoming and home-cooked meal with david last night.
• sleeping in my own bed.
• chats with michelle, chandler, mom, david, and dad while i was away.
• being in the 100+ club and all the hard work that celebrates.
• plans with nicole and tammy to roll out our training to the rest of the office in the next couple of weeks.
• planning my trip back to corporate next week and being able to spend time with some people i really like and respect.
• another fancy hotel room!
• the fireplace done and the electric run to our room so that we can sheetrock and rock that last wall and the floor!!!!! yay!
• a costco trip tonight and passing up the leather couch that was on sale. we didn't impulse buy and that's big for the smoaks!
• lunch with mom and poppie today.
• elizabeth peepee'd in the potty today and got an elmo book for a reward.
• a long talk with cindy last week. completely unplanned and completely lovely. tyler will be 2 in a couple of weeks. holy cow.
• craig's triathalon and how he rocked it! can you say, 'super-veggie-athlete'!
• michelle bryant's visit with michelle jones thompson in washington!
• michelle's visit with her girls to hawaii. amazing pictures.
• david's total commitment to the atlanta braves. in good times and in bad, he has supported, loved, fought with and celebrated this baseball team. for 30 years he's been a fan in the true sense of the word and i think that says so much about him and his willingness to be in commitment. the same thing for his passion for hunting and quite frankly, for our little family. i am in constant wonder and awe that he loves me with the commitment, tenderness, fun, passion that he shows me everyday. that sounds goofy, but i know what i'm feeling. i can't quite get the words out.
• david's giggle.
• the way he shows up at my office and hugs all the ladies and spends time with each one of them. his knicknames for them all. too cute.
• all of david's knicknames that people have for him - smoak, smoakie, dayday, smoat, white chocolate, the professor, mom calls him her SIL - son-in-law, his mom calls him a smartass! his sister calls him a jackass. i sometimes call him an ass, but mostly it's pet names . . .
• david filling up the hummingbird feeder when he saw one buzzing around.
• miss peabody, sandie and abbie.
• my routine.
• you, my little ski lift, you.

a week 'pon top edisto!

• edi-slow time.
• the long walk david and i took last saturday night on the beach at midnight by a fullmoon looking for mama turtles making their way to check on the babies. we didn't see any, but it was awesome anyway. the water was like glass.
• a rainy sunday that forced us to nap under the tin roof!
• a quick workweek of monday and tuesday and getting mama b's carpet pulled up so that david can put in her hardwood floors this weekend.
• the 4th of july at edisto with big d and shelbs, little b, whitty-whit and ben and susan. we had a great time in the water and little b and i even snuck in a 2 hour nap in the hammock. he's a good snuggler!
• david's homemade cheeseburgers!
• watching the fireworks that were miles away on kiawah. happy that the turtles on edisto were safe as no noise scared them.
• LAZY thursday of lunch at the sea cow and an afternoon on the beach. sigh.
• LAZY friday of a quick trip to fish or cut bait gallery and the kayak place and then an afternoon on the beach. . . sigh.
• dinner with susan on friday night - we snuck away to drink BEER while the grandparents watched the bad boys. awesome crab dip and dinner and good conversation.
• saturday at brickhouse. after i thought the week was ending, a visit to the jenkins compound and the historic float down the riva'. 150 floats of all shapes, sizes, colors, and animals! float out with the tide and back in with the tide. all the while sipping on my new favorite summer beverage, lemoncello, and eating boiled p-nuts. way too much fun! poppy fell out of his float and i almost spit out my drink! the thought of my mom on the turbanado princess chair float poppy picked out for her as she floated to other 'pods' to see what good food they had.
• annie and ada renee (like bridget renee) tied up to us - too much fun!
• knowing which float to get next year for poppy so he can drink his beer and sit up at the same time.
• my catcher's mit float. awesome.
• dolphins, egrets, baby birds in the tree off our porch at the beach.
• whitman's hugs goodmorning , goodnight, and everytime we met on the beach.
• fullmoons over the ocean.
• the golf cart 4th of july parade.
• the edisto piggly wiggly.
• banana sandwiches for breakfast, tomato sandwiches for lunch.
• king's market and all their goodies.
• tomato pie.
• the coast guard helicopters waving to us on the beach.
• the kiteboarders rockin' it over the waves.
• shagging on the beach without music.
• a week 'pon top edisto.

and back in charleston time.. . .

• work not calling me on vacation!
• david getting mama b's floor in with little effort and with help from alex and boxx. hearing that the 2 big boys and the 13 year old (alex) got in their fill of boy time with the stories david told me last night. burping, farting, giving alex a hard time. . . glad i wasn't there! knowing there will be more stories tonight.
• dad calling last night - back from canada and enjoying his crocs.
• my lazy day today getting mentally prepared to work tomorrow. . . sigh.
• dinner last night from the fishnet - fried flounder sandwich for $3.99. am i addicted if i want to drive back today and get another?
• a braves plan for august 4th!
• 2 trips to park city this month.
• reconnecting today with the people in my life.
• clean laundry.
• david working hard to provide cash for our room.
• picking out STONE for the fireplace, mantle, hearth and floor! at fieldstone and burney being there to help! a nice surprise.
• you, my little loggerhead turtle, you!

allowing myself to sit with my feelings

the last few days have held a heaviness here in the city of charleston that i can only describe as deep grief and honor. the air is thick and emotions are right on the surface. i watched the memorial service last night that i taped with tears streaming down my face as mayor joe, governor sanford, the home land security guy and finally chief rusty thomas of the city of charleston fire department spoke of these men and firemen in general. i heard stories all day yesterday of the firehouses from all over the country that came to take care of our firehouses and our firefighters. the batallion that went into the world trade center and came out were here to offer their support. firemen from japan, canada, california, washington state, new jersey, pennsylvania, and of course from the other southern states including a truck from new orleans came to pay their respects.
my friend keena dropped off a honey baked ham to her firehouse and those manning the station so that our firefighters could be at the service were from new york. an amazing community.
i drove by the sight of the fire last night and there were over a hundred people there placing flowers, t-shirts from other fire departments, crosses, cards. . . someone had placed 9 stuffed dalmation puppies with firehats on them. that got me, too.

today i am grateful.

• a community of men willing to show their emotions and their love for each other.
• for a quick chat with michelle yesterday.
• several good cries over the last week.
• the very beginning stages of creating a benefit for the firefighter's families that my company will sponsor and then match what we raise. this idea came from our nursing regional vice president and we will talk more about it on monday. that idea was a nice way to end my friday.
• adrienne feeling at home in my house and crashing here last night instead of the floor of her empty house she's working on. a short hour visit last night before we both crashed.
• david coming home from boys' weekend early to surprise me and that we have a good date planned tonight.
• my parents - in all their forms. chris is my mom and tom is my poppie. grateful that my parents chose partners that i feel good about claiming.
• errands for fun.
• edisto next saturday for a whole week!!!!!!!!!!!! it cannot get here soon enough.
• making the 100+ club again at work for the 2nd year and receiving the honor of a trip to park city. the training i get while i'm there and the awards banquet where i get presented with an award by a man i admire so much.
• the rumor of a diamond being placed on my watch they gave me last year.
• my own room in the resort!
• getting to stay an extra day on the company and explore park city a bit.
• nicole being proud of me. our teamwork and how our visions happen because we work to make them happen.
• my darling sweet husband and his humor when telling me that he has to work nights for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. i guess god wasn't willing and the creek surely rose. i guess i need this time for some self reflection.
• friends who love me anyway i show up.
• you

firefighters

• the procession this morning which shut down the city.
• firemen from all over the world coming today to take the shifts of our local firefighters so they can attend the memorial service.
• the flowers and crosses and cards lining the street in front of the store that burned.
• david's cousin, robbie being a proud, emotional, loving fireman who volunteers at the soup kitchen with his team on their days off.
• wesley's cousin, louis mulkey who willingly went into a burning building to make sure all the employees were out and safe. he will be remembered today during the service.

OFFSHORE FISHING!

• a last minute friday night trip to savannah to go offshore with dave and kim.
• the ride in the car with david that allowed us 3 hours (including a meltdown in wendy's, a lovely dinner instead at waffle house! and 20 minutes in line at subway for lunch on the boat the next day!) uninterupted to get to know each other again away from his working nights and the room project.
• watching the sun come up over the ocean while the waves were over 5 ft. it was a bright deep orange/red fire ball that popped up into a cloudy gray sky. absolutely amazing and had the waves been 2-3 ft, i would have missed it because i would have been down below snoring. now, back to the wave part - i had heard of being beaten up offshore - now i have my own story! it was quite an interesting 3.5 hour ride at 20mph in a boat running over 5+ ft waves that early in the morning on dramamine. needless to say we are all very very sore. i worked my muscles all day long and when we got off the boat last night at 6, i promptly fell on my face and let me just say it was not all because of the vanilla vodka soaked fruit we ate on the way back in!
• the baby porpoise we saw jumping waves to get back to his mama. she was beautiful and spotted and rode the waves off the front of the boat for as long as we watched and told her she was beautiful. when we got caught up catching fish, she went away. as with human women, she just needed a little attention. quite magical really.
• a good dinner at the marina with conversations we can only have with dave and kim. they are not right and neither is david so i guess that means i'm not either. i got to drive the golf cart back to their house with the boys as kim went to pick up the kids. too fun.
• our bed in the 'smoak boudior' (sp) that we fell into early and not waking up until 6am to potty. that is probably a first for me ever. david and i said we don't really remember anything, but i do kind of remember trying not to fall out of bed as i was still rocking like i was on the boat.
• an 8am wake up call of catherine and jada waking up and being able to spend a little time with them this morning before we headed back to charleston to be with big d at church this morning.
• a morning phone call with daddy. he was at the boat with chris and the boys. his expertise at what he loves and how he is so passionate and able to translate his knowledge of furniture into how to help me with the ceiling. his love of his boys, red and jack. he just laughs when he tells stories of what they've done - like how red fell out of the boat and how he giggled while he left me the message.
• a great sermon by mike, minister extraordinnare (again, sp) about dropping the sterotypical 'guy' role and being an example to friends and family about showing emotions.
• mike asking david and me to talk with him about. . .. . . . . the flag issue! holy shit, here we go. . . . the united methodist conference was last week in florence, sc and during the 4 day conference, several issues were discussed - everything from insurance for ministers to their new appointments and parsonages, to budgets. missions was the major part of the agenda as they voted on where to send the money they collected last week. the south carolina convention voted to send $60,000 (the amount they collected at the conference) to the net project which provides mosquito nets (at $10 a net) to families in countries where maleria is still a real issue. they decided to continue the work with water missions as there are still people in the world who have never had clean water to drink. they decided to keep working with fighting hiv and aids in africa and provide the drugs needed to keep people alive. they spent the majority of their time doing this. what the media covered and what crept up someone at our church's ass so much that he's decided he's not coming back is the freakin' flag issue. the church decided to bring to a vote whether to send a letter to south carolina state leaders demanding that they move the rebel flag from a place of prominance at the capitol to a museum. the votes were cast and the majority said they wanted the letter to be written. the interesting thing is that the state government won't allow this issue to be discussed again until 2012 or sometime crazy like that. it was a huge waste of time and waste of media coverage when so much good was done at the conference. mike wanted to know what we thought as david and i have differing views on the flag and what it means and where it should go. what we all came to in that discussion is 1. the whole thing is a waste of time and if this dude from the church is mad at mike he should step up and talk about it so that they can come to some sort of common ground as the 3 of us did today with it and 2. whether people know the 'true history' of the flag or not, it brings with it emotions of fear and injustice and pain that is our southern history and why hurt people? this issue is a point of division in my fine state that i am mostly embarrassed about and it's unfortunately not going anywhere. i will continue to hold my vision that we recognize that this is our history and as it is not our state or national flag, it should be held in a place of honor in a museum. and i really mean honor because the time that is represents should be held gently with respect.

ok, back to previously planned glogging. . . . .

• david smoak having emotions everyday and being willing to share them with whoever. whenever. about whatever. and not backing down on something he feels.
• big d and his willingness to show his emotions (and tell some pretty racy jokes at lunch!) and actually teared up when we gave him tervis tumbler cups with wofford college on them. he actually teared up and said, 'i love this school, man!' holy cow, i wonder what would happen if i gave him a sweatshirt?!
• mom and poppie arriving safely from boston and him taking care of her while she had food poisoning on the trip. he liked his father's day gift as well.
• a quick visit today with the dority's and how he tried to get sue and me drunk on cream rum so that he and david could get special father's day gifts later this evening. ms dority was pretty slurry so he might! we won't discuss david. . . you know you're old when your best friend's parents and your own say something or anything about sex in front of you. david told both his parents and the doritys that he might vomit and please not to say anything like that again. hil-freakin'-alarious!
• more veggies out of the garden when we finally made it home tonight. tons of tomatoes and cucumbers!
• freshly caught dolphin (mahi) and fresh veggies out of the garden. yum.
• my precious husband, the father of my sweet carson, the dog father of abbie, sandy and miss peabody, and the snake dad to 'snake and 'lil 'nake. his excitement of life and adventures. his unconditional love of me. his willingness to not fit the typical southern man role. his love of his friends and theirs of him. how lucky am i.
• you, my little baby porpoise you!

baby sarah arrived yesterday!

• yay! she weighed in at a little over 9 lbs and i'm so excited. someday we will meet and i can kiss her little cheeks.
• my dad asking again where my glog is. . . here you go, daddy.
• the room! and that all that's left is (mostly) my part! tonight i will seal the ceiling and tomorrow i paint.
• keena affirming the colors i picked out as perfect. that girl's got style!
• 2 girls' nights out this week.
• finding a new place with annie on wednesday and hearing all about her trip to spain. the beautiful tapas restaurant with cava and 4 buck martinis that paled in comparison to her joy about her trip and a vacation in general. my girl has worked 7 days a week for a year and a half. she actually got to read 3 books!
• the reopening of 'the daily dose' on james island. the same, if not better, hippie vibe it was downtown all those years ago, but now the owner's child is 11 and is helping out. awesome organic sangria and the supa dose - organic veggie sandwich - yum.
• my girls - chandler and melinda. i love to introduce them to people that i've known them for so so so so long.
• stories about elizabeth, john wesley and brantley - how i wish i could attend 'camp kornahrens' - way too much fun all summer. that elizabeth at 2 came in the house talking about 'boys and lipstick, daddy!' i would pay money to see joe dabit's face.
• running into the 'cutest boy ever' - scott dawson - last night at athens when we were having coffee and getting good hugs. hearing he's healing from his recent break-up and that he caught his 15 year old son smoking! ha. he gets to hang out with dad for the next month on friday and saturday nights. punishment. that's harsh. although, the girls and i agreed, that would only be harsh for him - we wouldn't hate it!
• it's a little past 7am and i'm up and feeling good. after a week of david working nights, i finally slept hard from 11:30 to 6 - didn't even have to get up to potty. this is exhaustion.
• david almost being finished working nights. monday and tuesday next week will be it (god willing and the creek don't rise. . .).
• a big fat flat screen tv for above the fireplace that sears had on sale! (really not that big and fat - only 32 inches. that's not obnoxious)
• the possibility of visiting michelle over the lavender festival weekend. i'm holding the vision.
• FRIDAY

now for the joys of my fellow gloggers

• michelle bryant and the girls celebrating michael's birthday by choosing the joy of his life. she is an inspiration on choice these days!
• kevin getting to see jake this week and what memories they had to just roll their eyes over.
• kevin readying himself to be a dad. happy sigh. . .
• craig - again, just being craig. i was bragging about him last night. the girls just can't get over the fact that he is ok with michelle being gone for so long. it's refreshing when our boys are calling wondering where we are and we haven't been gone for 2 hours yet.
• dean and his relationship with his family and with the planet.
• eric and baby SARAH!
• and michelle. the whale blows. the boat. the tent. her life. my conversations with her this week. she sounds so good.

stay tuned for more gratefulness this weekend as the room closes in on completion and father's day rolls around. that will be a grateful day.

• you, my little supa dose, you.

rain rain rain rain rain rain rain

• a quiet weekend of rain and self-reflection.
• david arriving home safely after a boys' weekend in savannah.
• fresh veggies from our garden in the form of squash and zucchini casserole and fried squash and zucchini. life is very very good today.
• knowing that when i locked myself out of my house yesterday that i had several places i could go. i chose well. a visit with benjamin and whitman and their parents that was quite pleasant.
• big d and shelbs saving the day with a key.
• fabulous rain. swelling wind and rain rain rain rain.
• abbie sleeping with me while david was gone. she's a great snuggler at 10.5lbs!
• watching miss peabody dance in the rain. she pounces like she's a cat and not a 70lb monster. and she's nothing but mud. very grateful that she likes to be the outside dog!
• dinner friday night with chandler. we haven't done that in years. pedicures and mondo's delight all by ourselves. lovely.
• her waking up on saturday morning out of her 'negasaurus' mode and calling to let me know about it!
• the movie 'over the hedge' - i could watch it over and over. it is hilarious. and sadly. . . true.
• my goofy dad and his phone skills. ya gotta give him props for some effort. poor chris.
• you, my fried zucchini, you.

friends

• a very productive and exciting week!
• visiting with old friends at the beach for 2 days last week and playing with their little ones.
• the condo they left to us friday night which allowed for a nice walk to dinner and a great beach walk back to the condo. spending time away from the house with david so no projects other than just hanging out with each other. we watched 'borat' - holy crap - we just kept saying, ' i didn't know you could do that!' south carolina was portrayed so lovely. we're not all redneck bigots, i swear. and i'm grateful for that!
• a saturday workday on the room and getting lots and lots done.
• sunday at the pool and dinner at basil with key lime martinis. yum.
• an all day spent on a deserted beach on a quiet island with nothing but us, friends and a lot of sun and a little quart of lemoncello all to myself. the best way to spend memorial day ever. this is my life!
• an spontaneous dinner that night with big d and shelbs. laughing at dinner until i snorted!
• focus on the room and getting the ceiling up in the last 2 days. not much left to go until i'm enjoying a glass of wine in front of my new fireplace!
• david feeling better each day and actually well enough to go for the boys' weekend to savannah with dave, jay, derron and chris. don't even want any details about that! just want him to come home safe.
• mom's xrays coming back clear and that she's ok.
• michelle's adventure beginning tomorrow. how incredibly she is embracing this and teaching us all to go for it - whatever our 'it' is. . .
• craig for being the man he is to support her and let her go without drama. with him just being him. and offering a safe place before she leaves and when she returns to be herself in whatever form that takes as she evolves through her life. they are my model couple. what love and courage they have. and i love to say that 'i was right! he does love you michelle!' so many years ago.
• kevin and his news that i may or may not know about yet! holy cow. how much i want to say about that but the words aren't formed yet so i'll wait. best not to force them until they're ready. i'm overwhelmed with . . . . . . . . . 'bigness' for him.
• michelle bryant and her new outlook - finally seeing in herself what is so beautifully apparant to those who love her. david and i so appreciate her and the time she's been in our lives.
• dean's amazing adventure and his 'coming into his own' - i was always a little . . . ok a lot intimidated by him, but reading his glog, i just know he's just 'there' - what a gift.
• eric and nicole payne and david and i are connected in a way a parent should never be and reading his glog fills me with more hope than i've had in a long time. nicole's comment to him one day this week made me well up with tears. they are so tender with each other and that's so where we need to be through this healing process. . . . . . is it a process when you're never actually 'healed'? can there be a process if there's no end? and by the way - there's never a 'through' either. there's just always healing. so i guess there is a process. this is my brain in full tilt - which brings me to
• LEXAPRO - keeps me calm and in feeling. and in movement and in my process. just without the edge that was there for so so long.
• chandler for finally saying to me - 'being in this much pain is not honoring carson. you can be happy and still be a good mom to him.' thank you. i didn't believe you but i didn't have the strength to fight you on it so i went with it. i'm glad you knew better than me. and i'm glad you cared enough to say what i know was scary for you to say.
• cindy for always always always honoring me as a mom. for always always saying the right thing or sending the right card or gift or thought. always. i am so honored to have you in my life. now, if only we could talk matt into moving back south. . . . . .
• that my dad takes care of himself when he needs to by not pushing himself when his heart 'goes out'. i updated my glog, dad! thanks for asking. it's nice that you get to see a little about me that i don't have to say. i love you.
• my dad for teaching me basics of woodworking so that i can really do a lot in this new room - from caulking to nailing to sanding to staining and painting (with a mask on) - i'm proud of the whole team effort we've had on this project and that we've done it with minimal negative emotions! david only wanted to throw the nail gun once last night and i only 'f-ing gd'd' once tonight. that's teamwork!
• my yummy organic spagetti tonight fixed by david while i finished caulking and a dinner on the couch because we can't see the table. nice.
• an upcoming weekend full of piccolo spoleto events and christine kane at angel oak. i'm so stoked (do people say that anymore?). art, music, poetry readings, food, tourists. it's a charleston heaven weekend!
• my plan to finish 'shut up and sing' this weekend. it was a little overwhelming to watch in one sitting. grateful for FREE SPEECH, CHOICES IN THE NEXT ELECTION, CHANGES ON THE PLANET and the SAFE RETURN OF THE TROOPS SOON.
• you, my little piccolo, you!

breath

• breath.
• david being able to breathe and being back to his usual obnoxious (if not sweet) self. glad that he's grumpy and not dead. glad that he'll be finished being grumpy when he goes back to work tomorrow. that he's grumpy just because he's bored.
• ricky working on the porch all day and that except for the door, it's all closed in and i can start sheetrocking it! yay!
• that my fever broke last night and today i have energy and feel a million percent better than yesterday.
• the farmer's market that inspired good food last night and tonight in my kitchen cooked by me this time! fresh greenbeans, new potatoes, sweet corn, cabbage. yum.
• the idea of squash blossoms at the farmer's market - 9 blossoms for $9! i have nothing but blossoms in my garden. what to do with them? the research is fun but the best sounds to be stuff 'em with crab and fry 'em up! ok!
• our garden giving us lots and lots of squash and zucchini and soon cucumbers and tomatoes.
• david being well so that we can fry some green tomatoes on tuesday.
• adrienne and daniel and the babies being in town for the week so we can visit and catch up. they live too far away.
• an optimistic week at work with new plans and the firm thought that we can slow down a little - stress need not rule us anymore. we can breathe. or even stop and eat lunch. away from my desk. not talking on the phone. at a restaurant or at my house. away from my desk. did i repeat myself? i'll do it again. away from my desk! yay!
• michelle's adventure starting next week. holy cow.
• craig. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . enough said.
• chandler's cousin, leigh, graduating valedictorian from high school and being an example of what a good kid is - not for her grades - for being leigh.
• her older brother, adam, wanting to protect her from everything.
• chandler's safe return with elizabeth and mama b from their quick trip to knoxville for the graduation.
• ricky's safety after being plowed into at 55 mph while he was stopped yesterday. his sense of humor in tact and his talent secure - he showed up for work this morning.
• pop's training in south dakota for his new job this week. the wish that he loves it more than he ever thought he could.
• mr dority always always always saving the day and saving us money. i can't even think of how much he's saved us. . . . . . or how many times.
• dave and derron catching mahi today with calm seas.
• david not letting himself go offshore although that's what he wanted more than anything.
• melinda.
• a nice day with my mom. lunch and shopping. tasting the gelato at costco that was just like italy. . . and leaving it in the freezer case!
• a size smaller top and 2 sizes smaller dress. . . haven't figured that out as my weight is the same as it's been for a year - but hey - i'll go with it!
• david.
• you, little squash blossom, you.

modern medicine

• dr popp and her prompt attention to the fact that david couldn't breathe. he's currently on 8 different medications and can't stand up for long, but he can breathe.
• the nebulizer company that showed up yesterday, set the machine up and taught him how to use it.
• health insurance that makes the 8 medications at least affordable.
• costco for discounting the co-pays even more.
• air conditioning that could be turned on in the house today to protect him from the smoke outside from the georgia and florida wildfires. the air is so thick it just sits. everyone is coughing. . .
• his optimism that he'll be able to go fishing on saturday. let me just say that's a big negatory however, i'll let the man dream!
• more progress on our room. it may not be memorial day that we're moving in, but it's coming right along!
• dad's acknowledgement for my glog. that's nice.
• spaghetti cooking while i type this. it smells good.
• david thanking me me bathing him last night when he just couldn't even stand up.
• mike, our ceo acknowledging our office on the company conference call for 'the power of team' and we each get $150.00! yay!
• you, my little spaghetti noodle, you!

mom's day

what emotions there are swirling in me today. mother's day. the last two mother's days have been hard and this one was no exception. and i think i'm really getting that's how it is to be and that's ok. my son died yet i'm still very much an active mother to him. it's a strange place to be. so on this mother's day i'm so very grateful for the time i had with him and the relationship that continues to develop as he is very unconditionally loving and forgiving of me in my stumbling as i learn to be his mother.

and so on this most bittersweet of days, i am very grateful. . .

• for my mom. perhaps my most complex relationship. we are finally at a place that feels good and solid. she is so happy and that makes me so happy.
• for my mother in law, shelby. she is a true southern belle in all that entails. i think she truely doesn't know what to think of me most of the time. but i know she loves me and she knows i love her. she raised such a good good man.
• for my new mom, chris. she's go good for my dad and looks after him. i feel better knowing he has her. and i truely like her as a person. she's funny and smart and compassionate and a little goofy. my kinda people!
• for mama b, chandler's mom. her home was a safe haven for me and i could tell her anything. she listened, gave her advice and loved me whatever i did. she still will drop anything she's doing to chat or come running when i need her.
• for ms dority, david's best friend's mom and our neighbor. i can't say enough how selfless this woman is. she takes care of the zoo while we're away and always has stories about what abbie or sandy have done when we get home.
• for my grandma edith.
• for my grandma re. . . . i still cannot fathom that she's gone from the planet. she was the coolest. she allowed me to grow-up in our relationship and we actually moved from her protecting me from things i didn't need to know to actually talking with me about those things as i got older. we could talk for hours about life and relationships and love and heartbreak. she really lived her grief of losing my dad's father everyday while creating a life with another man (my pawpaw who i named carson after) that she loved as well. she was a true testament to love.
• for moms.
• for my dad reading my glogs. he gets to see a little glimpse of me that the phone can't convey.
• for the people that came last night to mom and tom's reception. how his sisters think he hung the moon and how he sang to mom and his daughter, melissa and it was so real.
• for my new sister, melissa and her husband jimmy going out with us last night. getting to know them a little bit. i really like them.
• for david getting swarmed by college students at the bar to buy him drinks - it was the suit! he was asked if he was a professor. HA!!!!!!!! professor white chocolate! i love it. and so did he.
• for waffle house grease to help with last night's festivities and a nap during a thunderstorm this afternoon!
• for a good dinner in the country and a walk down the dock. the wind was almost cold coming off the water. absolutely beautiful.
• for dean's big adventure.
• for the womyn's camp this weekend. i know they had a blast. i can't even imagine. . . . .
• for my friends and family and the support and love i have in my life.
• for dave just stopping by after surprising ms dority for mother's day and saying hi.
• for david and ricky almost finishing the outside of our room yesterday so that we can start hanging sheetrock next weekend!!! i love sheetrock mud. i feel so accomplished.
• for the celtic band playing on as i cleaned up last night and for being smart enough to take my flipflops in case my feel hurt. . . . 'in case my feet hurt . . . you were in 4 inch heels dumbass of course your feet hurt!'
• you, my little betsey johnson super cute heel off ebay for a steal, you!

nicole's birthday!

• the birthday celebration we had for my boss, nicole this morning. awesome cupcakes, fresh fruit, lovely sentiments about her and her hugs.
• a boss who cares about me and 'what's in it for me' and what we can, together, accomplish. that she trusts my opinions and goes with my gut as much as hers. that we can say anything and that our relationship has been elevated to a place where we don't take things personally (for the most part!).
• a much too short visit with the dority's this evening. we let the boys talk about garden stuff and we talked about what she should wear this weekend. having second parents right around the corner is such a blessing. they are the best.
• the house they wanted in another neighborhood sold!!!! i danced in her driveway and didn't even apologize for not taking her feelings into account. they belong here! they can move when we do, but only to the country with us!
• our windows are in for our new room. i'll be hanging drywall for a memorial day weekend move in! wow. how exciting!
• yet again my man cooking dinner of homegrown collards, corn and venison cheeseburgers!
• david totally using his rain day to our advantage and getting mother's day gifts handled for sunday and asking me if he needed to take care of chris, too.
• rain rain rain rain rain rain. much much much much needed rain finally coming down. our yard and garden thank you tropical storm andrea.
• paris hilton ending her ridiculous pleas to get out of serving jail time. we would all do it and lose a lot in the process. she's finally agreeing to suck it up - good for you, paris! (of course there will be an appeal. . . .)
• you, my little collard green, you!

projects

• finally getting these pictures posted to my glog! how much fun is this really?
• a lovely dinner with new wine poured by my man and cooked by my man and then retiring to the deck overlooking the pond to finish the bottle.
• zucchini and squash from our garden for dinner.
• david immediately turning on the braves game when we came inside which means time for me to play with my glog!
• the girls having their evening snack - miss peabody and sandy catching cookies off their noses! truely amazing!
• an anticipated visit with adrienne and daniel later this month!
• all the rsvps for mom's reception - i get to catch up with christine, the cranio-sacral goddess from wilmington and emily, the crazy woman who weazeled her way into mom's will - aparantly my new sister!
• david doing completely inappropriate things while impatiently waiting for me to finish this post .

hang on - i'll be back!

• that!
• a great weekend that included the farmer's market, a middle school production of annie that was really really good and time spent with david.
• more training at corporate in park city for june.
• mother's day plans that include a boat ride and all of us in the country.
• giraffes
• michelle's great weekend at ross camp. god, the memories are flowing back. craig did peel out of the parking lot, but only because of my mother! haha! kevin became 'the good son,' we discovered that a man who had lost half his face from cancer was the most inspiring person i had ever met, we found out that sticky notes don't belong in certain men's genitalia (yuck, thanks peggy) and that hairy backed men from saint louis can start a revolution! i love it! how much fun to remember that. as a side note. . . . . never mind - i just can't go there! most of what happened at global must stay at global!
• it's finally raining. only 3 days of winds and our garden suffering but finally tonight. rain.
• tomorrow is wednesday - hump day!
• you, little rain drop, you!

team building

• nicole trusting me to take our team to the next level and creating 'team south carolina' with candice, terri and me. three remarkable women from vastly different backgrounds and oh, the fun we'll be getting into!
• did i say that i was 'letting go' in sedona? well, it continues back home as well. feeling yucky the last couple of days is putting perspective on what is important - that's good coming back from vacation. good food = good. junk food = junk. why do i do this to myself?
• i hear john bon jovi will be on american idol tonight and although i don't spend my time watching that - i can't miss him now can i?
• tivo'd oprah.
• david taking care of the yard.
• big d dropping 'the upper room' by the house each month for me.
• that we finally got the laundry out of the hall that's been there since michelle was here.
• chandler for calling to check up on me and have elizabeth tell me she 'wvoves' me!
• you, sweetness, you.

red red RED RED rocks!

• brigham (sp) young said about salt lake, 'this is the place' - he never was in sedona i take it. how incredibly blessed am i to spend time here. i feel so alive yet in a real deep way. that sounds goofy. i'm not energetic and jazzed, but calm and clear. stoned on the air and the smell and the stones and being with denise.
• although this is my 4th time here, it's the only time i've had to explore and take in what i can in 7 days. what an amazing place. around every curve is just this scene even more beautiful than the scene before it.
• very little distraction. no radio, little tv, just thoughts and feelings and soul connection with one that has known me since i was 12. 12! and how much we knew about each other then that went unspoken. and how those words still go unsaid, yet we know. but are feeling more confident in ourselves to speak.
• artichoke pizza
• vegan blt with avocado and sprouts at d'lish - holy cow - that was so good!
• trader joe's 3 buck chuck and 2 bottles left over to bring home!
• the sunset over the rocks.
• the pink jeep tour and the goddess guide who can drive that thing!
• mario the indian who set us straight. 'in dios' - 'of god' - don't call him a native american!
• letting go. . . literally. . . how much can one poop during a trip to sedona. as my buddy says, 'there's some mad healing goin' on!'
• massage school sessions of shiatsu, hot stone and thai. yum!
• david being ok with me being gone for 7 whole days. him being ready for me to come home tho!
• the projects he did in the house. powerwashing the outside and replacing the garage door with his dad! folded laundry (he did leave me his shirts because i am the shirt folding queen!).
• a week without the braves game!
• that i'm home and the braves will again fill my house with the sounds of summer.
• the bush outside the porch window that is filling my house with sweet smells.
• sushi with my husband. cucumber salad! and the perfect idea to ask them to add avocado the next time!
• the idea that we may go fishing this weekend in the boat with dave and kim and the anticipated nap underneath while the boys drive us offshore.
• that david got to spend time with his parents on friday and big d helped him with the garage door.
• you, little yellow desert blossom, you!

soul connections

• the joy of watching my mom's joy this weekend. her glow when tom walks into the room. seeing his eyes light up when she's around. watching their vows as he looked into her eyes and promised himself to her.
• the passion that their relationship has that was so very well exibited in the weather yesterday.
• good champagne
• new family
• how sweet my husband is and how sexy he was in his linen suit.
• mom and tom's friends who were there for support and love.
• how stunning she was and their first dance.
• michelle surprising mom and how it was the cherry on top for me that she was here.
• michelle and melinda connecting and appreciating each other. michelle seeing what i see in melinda and how important she is in my life.
• did i say good champagne?
• did i say how sexy my husband is?
• late night dinner at basil with good champagne and key lime martinis!
• michelle's rental convertable mustang and david squealing the tires last night as michelle yelled, ''get it david smoak, get it!" i almost peed myself!
• the things that go unspoken between michelle and me because they are just understood.
• she and david getting to spend the day together and that i got to walk on the beach with her and eat at the good little hippie joint on folly.
• kevin being here in charleston last week and seeing the beauty that is this amazing place. he was so caught up in his woman that he adores that he couldn't break himself away to call me for 3 minutes! rock on kev!
• my vacation is coming up on sunday!
• ricky is starting on our room this week and we need to make decisions on colors, etc.
• david's birthday on friday and dority bringing the boat so they can go fishing.
• david planting sweet potatoes in the garden just for me.
• soul connections
• magical friendships
• aunt vivian and uncle boober
• gorgeous flowers
• meeting mom's little brother from big brothers big sisters on friday and calling him my 'uncle darryl'
• my new computer allowing me to take my time with this glog and not be rushed or unfocused with the phones ringing at the office.
• david's giggle.
• you in my life!

reconnection

• good talk with nicole about what we're in it for.
• willingness to work hard because someone is counting on us for that.
• 3 girls getting together for dinner with good pinot noir, mac and cheese and duck clubs. we missed melinda so next month we're back to gastronomic delights!
• melinda and wesley seeing 'joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat' tonight together without the boys - a date night for them.
• my new computer hooked up and at my house so that i can be connected again!
• a day off of work tomorrow for spa day with my mom.
• surprises for my mom on her wedding weekend.
• the anticipation of meeting her 'little brother' darryl tomorrow. he's in 5th grade and made her bouquet of palm frons made into roses. being able to connect with this little guy who mom spends her time with each week and has fallen in love with.
• david's meeting with the 'big boss' tomorrow and all that brings.
• the braves - do you feel me smiling?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
• again - the braves?!?!?!?!? if i say it enough - do i become attached to it?!
• a good but short conversation with my dad. is he always over a urinal when i call? must be the holland bladder. good lord.
• you in my life!

glogging!

• a few stolen moments to glog!
• jennifer back from vacation and less urgency for me to take it all on!
• busy-ness that comes with my life and all the people i love in it.
• mom - her wedding plans working out so easily and nicely and that i get to tease her about being 'bridezilla'! beautiful weather forecast for sunday and her yard looking divine with all the love and care david and i put in it last week. aunt vivian and boo flying in early on saturday to celebrate with us. all the people who will just happen to 'show up' at angel oak at 1:30 on sunday to be with her on her wedding day.
• my new family complete with 2 nephews, 2 nieces, 2 sisters, a brother and a brother-in-law. busy!
• an easter celebration complete with softball and sore muscles - i felt old! but i can still knock the shit right out of the ball.
• a hopeful sermon on sunday by mike.
• miss olive's life and how she impacted david. he loved her and she loved him. she is out of pain.
• hans and connie koldeway - their memorial service yesterday and the memories it brought back. political conversations in their living room at 15 before i knew i had a label but knew that i thought differently than a lot of people here in the south. their son chris saying that they were liberals because that was what freedom meant. absolutely.
• a spa day this friday!
• pending vacation with the smell of sage and red rocks all around me. drinking wine with denise and giggling like we did when we were 12.
• it's almost time to go home to my sweet husband and our girls and get slobbered on by them. . . and him too!
• you in my life!

spring sunset harbor cruises

• a break from the ordinary!
• a great night out with the girls from work on a sunset cruise through the harbor!
• crown and coke, crabcakes, reunions with old friends, and cute boys!
• knowing better than to have that last drink so i could actually be up and a productive member of society today!
• a busy day filled with problem solving, goals set and reached and good conversations with people i care about - helping them make decisions that will impact them in more ways than just financially.
• a weekend of being outside landscaping mom's yard for her wedding day!
• being able to spend all weekend with david!
• coming out of a rather low funk i've been in and seeing the bright sky.
• a company with the vision and practice of compassion.
• friends who are living their dreams. it's inspiring.
• a great holographic health visit on tuesday with dakota.
• the opportunity for a monthly women's peace circle in the near future!
• you in my life!

me

• a successful bridal brunch for my mom full of her friends that love her and good mimosas and great food.
• her glow and giggle and how she proudly carried in her 1 year old new grandbaby girl, shaelyn, and her arm around 11 year old new granddaughter, justine.
• the doritys who we can stop by to visit and talk with for hours and never feel like we're imposing. they'd be upset if we left. her spinach casserole which will make you slap your mama, it's so good!
• a good walk/run on the greenway with the girls and david last night. abbie can keep up with the big ones!
• my dress for mom's wedding is in and it's awesome.
• elizabeth's 2nd bday party.
• thomas' new baby girl, isabella rose.
• an unexpected visit with benjamin, whitty and ben yesterday at jason's deli. good hugs from little b!
• all the little people in my life.
• elizabeth screaming with delight when i got out of the car with a balloon of minnie mouse bigger than she is!
• rowyn giving me a big hug.
• watching mom light up as rowyn hugged her and told her she loved her.
• ava kissing me on the cheek.
• brantley and john wesley giving me high 5s.
• the excitement of maybe getting knocked up in may!
• david and his passion for nature and the planet. his dreams of the perfect pond taking shape and his garden starting to take off.
• his collards. they rock.
• sharing in michelle, craig, dean and 'the other michelle's' pictures of the weekend.
• randy looks exactly like he did 15 years ago. it's crazy.
• the 3 weiner dogs that live down the street and how they make me giggle when they prance down the street!
• my mother-in-law for being her. she's simply the sweetest woman on the planet. knowing that she loves me and feels i'm good for her little boy.
• big d's laugh (cry, sigh, gulp) yesterday when he realized his little boy is turning 35 next month!
• sunshine and warm weather.
• air conditioning in my car and not quite needing it in the house.
• oprah being willing to do a show on stillbirth and how that will affect the live birth outcome profoundly of so many pregnancies in the years to come. how this issue is slowing being recognized as something that can be affected if we watch the fetal movement more closely in the last weeks of pregnancy.
• dr. jason collins in slidell, la having a pregnancy protocol for local doctors to use and at home monitors to record heartrate while mothers sleep. doctors being willing to use it.
• mothers sleeping better because of dr. collins' monitor.
• riding on others' courage to slowly be who i am now. learning to be ok with me not being who i was. grief changes that.
• being able to acknowledge that i am still grieving, although not as profoundly, it is still a minute by minute emotion.
• you

thursday fever

• quickly realizing with this glog how 'negasauras' (i don't quite know how to spell that - negative is what i'm saying - todd coined that phrase in college and i like it) i've become in my older age. glad i can work on that!
• a good long walk/run last night on the east coast greenway behind my house. we put the girls on their leashes and took off. watching the differences in their personalities as they encountered joggers, bikers and other walkers. david full speed keeping up with miss peabody - too funny.
• a good salad afterward at jason's deli.
• watching david get ready for his turkey hunt on sunday and using all his gear to make animal sounds. he really does better with his own voice! he's a great turkey!
• the weather! 75 degrees is perfect.
• reading craig's glog and really feeling him take up space in the world so positively and lovingly. giggling to myself how we're the cool kids now who stayed up all night catching up while michelle went to bed!
• celebrating paul tonight at the beach!
• an unexpected lunch date with my husband!
• you in my life!

being ok with blah

• just feeling ok - not great, not bad - just ok - and allowing that to be ok.
• the cool weather at night so i can snuggle under my blanket.
• reading michelle jones', kevin's, and now michelle bryant's glog every day and feeling a little bit closer to them.
• so many rsvps for mom's brunch and the love the people have for her that are coming.
• david's passion for what's right.
• his encouragement of me to stand up for what's right for me - not allowing myself to be taken advantage of and speaking up against it.
• mob movies.
• tivo for general hospital. knowing that i don't have to watch an episode for months and nothing big will change.
• the little boy scout found healthy and well in the mountains of north carolina!
• an anticipated good night out thursday to bid farewell to a good friend, one of a kind colleague and scotch irish mad man who i've had the pleasure of working with for the last 2 years.
• you in my life.

a sunny weekend!

• a productive weekend getting the house and the yard ready for spring.
• david taking the time and the love to plant all the things i think are pretty.
• the way his eyes light up when he laughs at me for being clumsy in the yard.
• the love of the furry ones that are my family. abbie snoring all night and having puppy dreams - is she chasing a rabbit or a squirrell? miss peabody chewing david's old boots in no time and carrying them around the yard to show off that they're history! sweet sandy for just hanging out and being the sweet big dog that she is!
• mom's house shaping up to be so homey and as keena said, 'it looks like how she feels.' sigh. . .
• david finally relenting and trying on a seersucker suit for me. he looked like a charleston twinkie and how glad am i that that isn't him! we both embraced a light linen suit and what 'eye candy' he will be in that!
• dad calling and letting us know they're almost home safe and sound after their vacation.
• not feeling like i had to go out last night for st patrick's day but curling up on the couch with david and reading 'marley and me'. - what fun. i laughed 'til i cried!
• finding kevin's glog this morning and smiling because he is so happy! yay!
• wondering just what he and vance did together to still be smiling - there's a story there!
• helping chandler with elizabeth's 2nd birthday decorations! being the working auntie mouse with a kick-ass printer to be able to put minnie mouse on tee-shirts for the kiddies.
• my house getting cleaned tomorrow!
• a great 'it' guy from work who i trust to help me figure out the whole 'do i buy a new computer or fix the old one debate' - gordon rocks.
• heat! it got cold again last night so i flipped it on and i was warm. amazingly blessed i am.
• david's friends.
• a quick visit with ms dority in the front yard with abbie modeling her new sundress for spring! i am one of those dog moms!
• you in my life!

a good end to a nice long week!

• seeing my dad and chris last night at sewee in awendaw. learning that they're that much closer to their dream of being on the coast. they found a condo this week in murrells inlet! that they get to stop by raleigh to see uncle greg and aunt vicki.
• the girls that are my friends and took the trip up the highway to hug on my dad. melinda, chandler and nicole rock.
• david's haircut leaving sexy sideburns.
• a rain day for david and big d to put lights in the living room and other little projects around the house!
• an awesome massage with dakota on tuesday night.
• having the windows open all week - loving the good weather.
• a loving husband.
• candice and angie's courage to jump out of a perfectly good airplane tomorrow!
• the pleasure of working with 'bgp' for the last 2+ years. knowing that he will do great in his endeavors whatever it is he is gonna do!
• a lunch with my team at marie laveau's!
• st patrick's day weekend.
• miss rose being able to go home to florence after her knee replacement.
• a voicemail from todd last night - can't wait to catch up with him.
• you in my life!

a great weekend!

• knowing that the course in michigan this weekend changed peoples' lives in ways they can't even fathom yet. knowing that the impact of peace on the planet will be manifest by the work that everyone did.
• another batch of collards smelling up the house this weekend.
• helping david start planting the garden with cucumbers, tomatoes and squash!
• being able to open the windows in the house and even leave some of them open last night! it was so so so so nice!
• remembering that i wake up to a bird sanctuary every morning.
• the oyster roast at the church and the friends i got to hang out with.
• the consecration of the new church building and the yummy meal. the sermon by our district superintendent was so inspiring.
• being able to visit with van who is 2 and 1/2 and his parents buster and laurie yesterday at lunch.
• seeing my mom's renovations at her house and how great they look. the boys worked so hard!
• melinda's surprise visit on saturday with john wesley and brantley. we hung out with the zoo and brantley loved it. john wesley's not too sure. . .
• more ideas for closing in our back porch.
• shopping for the wedding with my mom!
• cute little kid clothes.
• visits with chandler, adam and jessica, keena and jay and sweet kisses from jackson.
• getting to hang out with david all weekend. he's so cool!
• flip flops and shorts weather!
• my progress on my vision board.
• being able to visit with my dad and chris this thursday for dinner at sewee.
• that they were able to see kevin if only for a second this weekend.
• memories of kevin where he was and where we all were and knowing he's in such a good place and happy.
• did i say being able to open the windows?
• that my computer may be fixed today!?!?!?
• an anticipated massage tomorrow with dakota.
• my homemade dinner last night that rocked and the good beer that accompanied it.

a wednesday coffee and chiropractic visit

• a good meeting with nicole to more define my role at supplemental.
• a great visit with dr stubblefield to keep me on the right path with my body - it was a great follw-up to the accupuncture goddess karyla working on me monday night.
• lovely souls i work with and am blessed to spend my days with.
• a decaf cafe mocha for an afternoon treat.
• a set of houseplans i've fallen in love with.
• plans with my dad and chris to have dinner next thursday night - girls night out will take a road trip for some fried okra and a visit with them.
• the weather and the plan to open the house this weekend and let the wind blow!
• good air filters so the pollen won't kill us.
• my puppies.
• david calling me at work - i love hearing from him during the day.
• you in my life!

monday and tuesday

• a reminder call.
• a yummy lunch of crab and corn chowder.
• nicole back from vacation and miss rose's surgery going well and she'll be able to dance on her cruise!
• nicole back from vacation!
• nicole back from vacation!
• my cute husband dancing with miss peabody last night in the kitchen.
• plans for a saturday night oyster roast.
• the cool weather - it's not quite ready to be hot yet.
• work going ok this week.
• pop's kind words.
• someone to clean my house for me who uses all natural products so david and i can breathe well.
• the paper recycling at work.
• dreams.
• girls night out.
• you in my life!

a lazy sunday!

• an afternoon sitting in the grass with big d and shelbs and david for hours laughing and dodging the furry slobbery bullets (abbie, sandy and miss peabody) that run past at top speed.
• that shelbs has a nose still after miss peabody plowed into her.
• the goodies i'm finding for my vision board.
• being able to wash the shower curtains in the washer and not have to buy new ones - what a concept?!
• reaffirming that giving up shopping for lent is a good one! i got to enjoy being outside instead of shopping for gifts that i need 8 months down the line!
• the way ben and susan's house is taking shape - it will be a showpiece once it's done. ben's vision for the structure and susan's vision for how things will be placed makes them quite a team.
• brunch with david at my favorite place and being on the same page today.
• the smell of his collards cooking all day and thinking his grandma and mine would be so proud.
• the river's low tide and the birds' footprints in the pluff mud - seeing the sandbar we spend memorial day on and knowing it's right around the corner to be hanging out on it!
• feeling like i had such a good weekend that it's ok that monday is right around the corner.
• that nicole will be back from vacation tomorrow rested and ready to coach and cheer us on.
• dinner saturday night with jason and keena and the little ones - the kisses i got from jackson and the necklace they made for me - the letter rowyn typed and printed saying how much she loves 'smoak' and me!
• the meeting and massage with dakota walker, massage artist and wow! how good i feel and how great i smell after she added coffee and mocha oils to the hot stones.
• dreams of the future and house plans that work!
• you in my life.

technology!

• i actually follow directions better than i thought i did! it was easy to set up this glog!
• meeting joan borysenko last night and listening to her accounts of interviewing world spiritual leaders about this whole mystical cosmic wonder we call life
• the sophia institute and its founder carolyn rivers as it is such a light in charleston where the bible belt holds so fast to its children.
• offering my services to carolyn and telling her (as i heard from michelle) 'i'll clean toilets, i'd just like to be around!' and her saying (thankfully) 'oh no! you're much too talented for that - we'll find something better.'
• seeing mom's face light up as she tells old friends about her husband to be
• that david finally understands that when mom and i go out, it's for the long haul and not to wait up!
• david feeling better and excited about his meeting with his buddy to learn how to shoot his new black powder rifle
• that i don't have to be a part of that unless i want to!
• an anticipated hot stone massage at noon today with a new therapist i've never met.
• spending some time at work this morning cleaning out years of clutter.
• the full moon last night that was so high in the sky while the sun was setting that everything was purple. the green lush grass that gave way to the early spring marsh and me sitting in my car with the windows up because the no-see-ums are already abundant.
• a dolphin in the harbor as we drove to the beautiful circular congregational church for the talk last night.
• the idea and implementation of a GLOG - again michelle with a brilliant idea.
• you in my life