friends

• a very productive and exciting week!
• visiting with old friends at the beach for 2 days last week and playing with their little ones.
• the condo they left to us friday night which allowed for a nice walk to dinner and a great beach walk back to the condo. spending time away from the house with david so no projects other than just hanging out with each other. we watched 'borat' - holy crap - we just kept saying, ' i didn't know you could do that!' south carolina was portrayed so lovely. we're not all redneck bigots, i swear. and i'm grateful for that!
• a saturday workday on the room and getting lots and lots done.
• sunday at the pool and dinner at basil with key lime martinis. yum.
• an all day spent on a deserted beach on a quiet island with nothing but us, friends and a lot of sun and a little quart of lemoncello all to myself. the best way to spend memorial day ever. this is my life!
• an spontaneous dinner that night with big d and shelbs. laughing at dinner until i snorted!
• focus on the room and getting the ceiling up in the last 2 days. not much left to go until i'm enjoying a glass of wine in front of my new fireplace!
• david feeling better each day and actually well enough to go for the boys' weekend to savannah with dave, jay, derron and chris. don't even want any details about that! just want him to come home safe.
• mom's xrays coming back clear and that she's ok.
• michelle's adventure beginning tomorrow. how incredibly she is embracing this and teaching us all to go for it - whatever our 'it' is. . .
• craig for being the man he is to support her and let her go without drama. with him just being him. and offering a safe place before she leaves and when she returns to be herself in whatever form that takes as she evolves through her life. they are my model couple. what love and courage they have. and i love to say that 'i was right! he does love you michelle!' so many years ago.
• kevin and his news that i may or may not know about yet! holy cow. how much i want to say about that but the words aren't formed yet so i'll wait. best not to force them until they're ready. i'm overwhelmed with . . . . . . . . . 'bigness' for him.
• michelle bryant and her new outlook - finally seeing in herself what is so beautifully apparant to those who love her. david and i so appreciate her and the time she's been in our lives.
• dean's amazing adventure and his 'coming into his own' - i was always a little . . . ok a lot intimidated by him, but reading his glog, i just know he's just 'there' - what a gift.
• eric and nicole payne and david and i are connected in a way a parent should never be and reading his glog fills me with more hope than i've had in a long time. nicole's comment to him one day this week made me well up with tears. they are so tender with each other and that's so where we need to be through this healing process. . . . . . is it a process when you're never actually 'healed'? can there be a process if there's no end? and by the way - there's never a 'through' either. there's just always healing. so i guess there is a process. this is my brain in full tilt - which brings me to
• LEXAPRO - keeps me calm and in feeling. and in movement and in my process. just without the edge that was there for so so long.
• chandler for finally saying to me - 'being in this much pain is not honoring carson. you can be happy and still be a good mom to him.' thank you. i didn't believe you but i didn't have the strength to fight you on it so i went with it. i'm glad you knew better than me. and i'm glad you cared enough to say what i know was scary for you to say.
• cindy for always always always honoring me as a mom. for always always saying the right thing or sending the right card or gift or thought. always. i am so honored to have you in my life. now, if only we could talk matt into moving back south. . . . . .
• that my dad takes care of himself when he needs to by not pushing himself when his heart 'goes out'. i updated my glog, dad! thanks for asking. it's nice that you get to see a little about me that i don't have to say. i love you.
• my dad for teaching me basics of woodworking so that i can really do a lot in this new room - from caulking to nailing to sanding to staining and painting (with a mask on) - i'm proud of the whole team effort we've had on this project and that we've done it with minimal negative emotions! david only wanted to throw the nail gun once last night and i only 'f-ing gd'd' once tonight. that's teamwork!
• my yummy organic spagetti tonight fixed by david while i finished caulking and a dinner on the couch because we can't see the table. nice.
• an upcoming weekend full of piccolo spoleto events and christine kane at angel oak. i'm so stoked (do people say that anymore?). art, music, poetry readings, food, tourists. it's a charleston heaven weekend!
• my plan to finish 'shut up and sing' this weekend. it was a little overwhelming to watch in one sitting. grateful for FREE SPEECH, CHOICES IN THE NEXT ELECTION, CHANGES ON THE PLANET and the SAFE RETURN OF THE TROOPS SOON.
• you, my little piccolo, you!

breath

• breath.
• david being able to breathe and being back to his usual obnoxious (if not sweet) self. glad that he's grumpy and not dead. glad that he'll be finished being grumpy when he goes back to work tomorrow. that he's grumpy just because he's bored.
• ricky working on the porch all day and that except for the door, it's all closed in and i can start sheetrocking it! yay!
• that my fever broke last night and today i have energy and feel a million percent better than yesterday.
• the farmer's market that inspired good food last night and tonight in my kitchen cooked by me this time! fresh greenbeans, new potatoes, sweet corn, cabbage. yum.
• the idea of squash blossoms at the farmer's market - 9 blossoms for $9! i have nothing but blossoms in my garden. what to do with them? the research is fun but the best sounds to be stuff 'em with crab and fry 'em up! ok!
• our garden giving us lots and lots of squash and zucchini and soon cucumbers and tomatoes.
• david being well so that we can fry some green tomatoes on tuesday.
• adrienne and daniel and the babies being in town for the week so we can visit and catch up. they live too far away.
• an optimistic week at work with new plans and the firm thought that we can slow down a little - stress need not rule us anymore. we can breathe. or even stop and eat lunch. away from my desk. not talking on the phone. at a restaurant or at my house. away from my desk. did i repeat myself? i'll do it again. away from my desk! yay!
• michelle's adventure starting next week. holy cow.
• craig. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . enough said.
• chandler's cousin, leigh, graduating valedictorian from high school and being an example of what a good kid is - not for her grades - for being leigh.
• her older brother, adam, wanting to protect her from everything.
• chandler's safe return with elizabeth and mama b from their quick trip to knoxville for the graduation.
• ricky's safety after being plowed into at 55 mph while he was stopped yesterday. his sense of humor in tact and his talent secure - he showed up for work this morning.
• pop's training in south dakota for his new job this week. the wish that he loves it more than he ever thought he could.
• mr dority always always always saving the day and saving us money. i can't even think of how much he's saved us. . . . . . or how many times.
• dave and derron catching mahi today with calm seas.
• david not letting himself go offshore although that's what he wanted more than anything.
• melinda.
• a nice day with my mom. lunch and shopping. tasting the gelato at costco that was just like italy. . . and leaving it in the freezer case!
• a size smaller top and 2 sizes smaller dress. . . haven't figured that out as my weight is the same as it's been for a year - but hey - i'll go with it!
• david.
• you, little squash blossom, you.

modern medicine

• dr popp and her prompt attention to the fact that david couldn't breathe. he's currently on 8 different medications and can't stand up for long, but he can breathe.
• the nebulizer company that showed up yesterday, set the machine up and taught him how to use it.
• health insurance that makes the 8 medications at least affordable.
• costco for discounting the co-pays even more.
• air conditioning that could be turned on in the house today to protect him from the smoke outside from the georgia and florida wildfires. the air is so thick it just sits. everyone is coughing. . .
• his optimism that he'll be able to go fishing on saturday. let me just say that's a big negatory however, i'll let the man dream!
• more progress on our room. it may not be memorial day that we're moving in, but it's coming right along!
• dad's acknowledgement for my glog. that's nice.
• spaghetti cooking while i type this. it smells good.
• david thanking me me bathing him last night when he just couldn't even stand up.
• mike, our ceo acknowledging our office on the company conference call for 'the power of team' and we each get $150.00! yay!
• you, my little spaghetti noodle, you!

mom's day

what emotions there are swirling in me today. mother's day. the last two mother's days have been hard and this one was no exception. and i think i'm really getting that's how it is to be and that's ok. my son died yet i'm still very much an active mother to him. it's a strange place to be. so on this mother's day i'm so very grateful for the time i had with him and the relationship that continues to develop as he is very unconditionally loving and forgiving of me in my stumbling as i learn to be his mother.

and so on this most bittersweet of days, i am very grateful. . .

• for my mom. perhaps my most complex relationship. we are finally at a place that feels good and solid. she is so happy and that makes me so happy.
• for my mother in law, shelby. she is a true southern belle in all that entails. i think she truely doesn't know what to think of me most of the time. but i know she loves me and she knows i love her. she raised such a good good man.
• for my new mom, chris. she's go good for my dad and looks after him. i feel better knowing he has her. and i truely like her as a person. she's funny and smart and compassionate and a little goofy. my kinda people!
• for mama b, chandler's mom. her home was a safe haven for me and i could tell her anything. she listened, gave her advice and loved me whatever i did. she still will drop anything she's doing to chat or come running when i need her.
• for ms dority, david's best friend's mom and our neighbor. i can't say enough how selfless this woman is. she takes care of the zoo while we're away and always has stories about what abbie or sandy have done when we get home.
• for my grandma edith.
• for my grandma re. . . . i still cannot fathom that she's gone from the planet. she was the coolest. she allowed me to grow-up in our relationship and we actually moved from her protecting me from things i didn't need to know to actually talking with me about those things as i got older. we could talk for hours about life and relationships and love and heartbreak. she really lived her grief of losing my dad's father everyday while creating a life with another man (my pawpaw who i named carson after) that she loved as well. she was a true testament to love.
• for moms.
• for my dad reading my glogs. he gets to see a little glimpse of me that the phone can't convey.
• for the people that came last night to mom and tom's reception. how his sisters think he hung the moon and how he sang to mom and his daughter, melissa and it was so real.
• for my new sister, melissa and her husband jimmy going out with us last night. getting to know them a little bit. i really like them.
• for david getting swarmed by college students at the bar to buy him drinks - it was the suit! he was asked if he was a professor. HA!!!!!!!! professor white chocolate! i love it. and so did he.
• for waffle house grease to help with last night's festivities and a nap during a thunderstorm this afternoon!
• for a good dinner in the country and a walk down the dock. the wind was almost cold coming off the water. absolutely beautiful.
• for dean's big adventure.
• for the womyn's camp this weekend. i know they had a blast. i can't even imagine. . . . .
• for my friends and family and the support and love i have in my life.
• for dave just stopping by after surprising ms dority for mother's day and saying hi.
• for david and ricky almost finishing the outside of our room yesterday so that we can start hanging sheetrock next weekend!!! i love sheetrock mud. i feel so accomplished.
• for the celtic band playing on as i cleaned up last night and for being smart enough to take my flipflops in case my feel hurt. . . . 'in case my feet hurt . . . you were in 4 inch heels dumbass of course your feet hurt!'
• you, my little betsey johnson super cute heel off ebay for a steal, you!

nicole's birthday!

• the birthday celebration we had for my boss, nicole this morning. awesome cupcakes, fresh fruit, lovely sentiments about her and her hugs.
• a boss who cares about me and 'what's in it for me' and what we can, together, accomplish. that she trusts my opinions and goes with my gut as much as hers. that we can say anything and that our relationship has been elevated to a place where we don't take things personally (for the most part!).
• a much too short visit with the dority's this evening. we let the boys talk about garden stuff and we talked about what she should wear this weekend. having second parents right around the corner is such a blessing. they are the best.
• the house they wanted in another neighborhood sold!!!! i danced in her driveway and didn't even apologize for not taking her feelings into account. they belong here! they can move when we do, but only to the country with us!
• our windows are in for our new room. i'll be hanging drywall for a memorial day weekend move in! wow. how exciting!
• yet again my man cooking dinner of homegrown collards, corn and venison cheeseburgers!
• david totally using his rain day to our advantage and getting mother's day gifts handled for sunday and asking me if he needed to take care of chris, too.
• rain rain rain rain rain rain. much much much much needed rain finally coming down. our yard and garden thank you tropical storm andrea.
• paris hilton ending her ridiculous pleas to get out of serving jail time. we would all do it and lose a lot in the process. she's finally agreeing to suck it up - good for you, paris! (of course there will be an appeal. . . .)
• you, my little collard green, you!

projects

• finally getting these pictures posted to my glog! how much fun is this really?
• a lovely dinner with new wine poured by my man and cooked by my man and then retiring to the deck overlooking the pond to finish the bottle.
• zucchini and squash from our garden for dinner.
• david immediately turning on the braves game when we came inside which means time for me to play with my glog!
• the girls having their evening snack - miss peabody and sandy catching cookies off their noses! truely amazing!
• an anticipated visit with adrienne and daniel later this month!
• all the rsvps for mom's reception - i get to catch up with christine, the cranio-sacral goddess from wilmington and emily, the crazy woman who weazeled her way into mom's will - aparantly my new sister!
• david doing completely inappropriate things while impatiently waiting for me to finish this post .

hang on - i'll be back!

• that!
• a great weekend that included the farmer's market, a middle school production of annie that was really really good and time spent with david.
• more training at corporate in park city for june.
• mother's day plans that include a boat ride and all of us in the country.
• giraffes
• michelle's great weekend at ross camp. god, the memories are flowing back. craig did peel out of the parking lot, but only because of my mother! haha! kevin became 'the good son,' we discovered that a man who had lost half his face from cancer was the most inspiring person i had ever met, we found out that sticky notes don't belong in certain men's genitalia (yuck, thanks peggy) and that hairy backed men from saint louis can start a revolution! i love it! how much fun to remember that. as a side note. . . . . never mind - i just can't go there! most of what happened at global must stay at global!
• it's finally raining. only 3 days of winds and our garden suffering but finally tonight. rain.
• tomorrow is wednesday - hump day!
• you, little rain drop, you!

team building

• nicole trusting me to take our team to the next level and creating 'team south carolina' with candice, terri and me. three remarkable women from vastly different backgrounds and oh, the fun we'll be getting into!
• did i say that i was 'letting go' in sedona? well, it continues back home as well. feeling yucky the last couple of days is putting perspective on what is important - that's good coming back from vacation. good food = good. junk food = junk. why do i do this to myself?
• i hear john bon jovi will be on american idol tonight and although i don't spend my time watching that - i can't miss him now can i?
• tivo'd oprah.
• david taking care of the yard.
• big d dropping 'the upper room' by the house each month for me.
• that we finally got the laundry out of the hall that's been there since michelle was here.
• chandler for calling to check up on me and have elizabeth tell me she 'wvoves' me!
• you, sweetness, you.