mom's day

what emotions there are swirling in me today. mother's day. the last two mother's days have been hard and this one was no exception. and i think i'm really getting that's how it is to be and that's ok. my son died yet i'm still very much an active mother to him. it's a strange place to be. so on this mother's day i'm so very grateful for the time i had with him and the relationship that continues to develop as he is very unconditionally loving and forgiving of me in my stumbling as i learn to be his mother.

and so on this most bittersweet of days, i am very grateful. . .

• for my mom. perhaps my most complex relationship. we are finally at a place that feels good and solid. she is so happy and that makes me so happy.
• for my mother in law, shelby. she is a true southern belle in all that entails. i think she truely doesn't know what to think of me most of the time. but i know she loves me and she knows i love her. she raised such a good good man.
• for my new mom, chris. she's go good for my dad and looks after him. i feel better knowing he has her. and i truely like her as a person. she's funny and smart and compassionate and a little goofy. my kinda people!
• for mama b, chandler's mom. her home was a safe haven for me and i could tell her anything. she listened, gave her advice and loved me whatever i did. she still will drop anything she's doing to chat or come running when i need her.
• for ms dority, david's best friend's mom and our neighbor. i can't say enough how selfless this woman is. she takes care of the zoo while we're away and always has stories about what abbie or sandy have done when we get home.
• for my grandma edith.
• for my grandma re. . . . i still cannot fathom that she's gone from the planet. she was the coolest. she allowed me to grow-up in our relationship and we actually moved from her protecting me from things i didn't need to know to actually talking with me about those things as i got older. we could talk for hours about life and relationships and love and heartbreak. she really lived her grief of losing my dad's father everyday while creating a life with another man (my pawpaw who i named carson after) that she loved as well. she was a true testament to love.
• for moms.
• for my dad reading my glogs. he gets to see a little glimpse of me that the phone can't convey.
• for the people that came last night to mom and tom's reception. how his sisters think he hung the moon and how he sang to mom and his daughter, melissa and it was so real.
• for my new sister, melissa and her husband jimmy going out with us last night. getting to know them a little bit. i really like them.
• for david getting swarmed by college students at the bar to buy him drinks - it was the suit! he was asked if he was a professor. HA!!!!!!!! professor white chocolate! i love it. and so did he.
• for waffle house grease to help with last night's festivities and a nap during a thunderstorm this afternoon!
• for a good dinner in the country and a walk down the dock. the wind was almost cold coming off the water. absolutely beautiful.
• for dean's big adventure.
• for the womyn's camp this weekend. i know they had a blast. i can't even imagine. . . . .
• for my friends and family and the support and love i have in my life.
• for dave just stopping by after surprising ms dority for mother's day and saying hi.
• for david and ricky almost finishing the outside of our room yesterday so that we can start hanging sheetrock next weekend!!! i love sheetrock mud. i feel so accomplished.
• for the celtic band playing on as i cleaned up last night and for being smart enough to take my flipflops in case my feel hurt. . . . 'in case my feet hurt . . . you were in 4 inch heels dumbass of course your feet hurt!'
• you, my little betsey johnson super cute heel off ebay for a steal, you!